It's Not That Complicated: The Boys - Part 8

In our latest installment of "The Boys of Botkin", we get to hear the Botkin Sisters' male friends views on pitfalls in guy-girl relationships.  After transcribing the quotations, I am extremely doubtful that any of the guys (including their married brother Ben) have actually had a relationship with a woman.

Overarching Theme: Girls are TERRIFYING!  I'm so afraid!

Jack, inventor, says ...
Guys appreciate a girl who is emotionally stable and exhibits self-control. We can have actual friendships with girls who don't jump to conclusions and misconstrue small acts of kindness as signs of love and devotion. Presumptuous girls can create situations that are painful for us, but we are also concerned about their feelings. As frustrating as it can be to receive unwanted attention, it's far worse to be the cause of a disastrous heartbreak, even when it's no fault of your own.
It can feel like you're walking on eggshells when we're trying to be brothers in Christ to unpredictably hot-headed girls, never knowing whether the slightest word or gesture might start an emotional roller-coaster and misery for our sisters in Christ. Our gratitude for the more self-possessed girls who refused to indulge in every dreamy  whim cannot be overstated. (pg. 194)

It's Not That Complicated: Chapter 11 - Part Four

We're down to the last two "stories" from Chapter 11!  The first story illustrates why Emo-Pur (Emotional Purity) is a giant waste of time and energy for everyone involved.

Candie is only 16, and knows that she and Jacob aren't ready to get married; but since they're officially just friends, they feel free to become as close as they like. Down inside, she knows this friendship trying to spin out of control - he's becoming more important to her than anything else in the world. He's always in her thoughts (and constantly popping up in her chat window); he's starting to monopolize her time and her focus, even coming between her and her parents. It's turning into a re-run of her friendship with Jonathan last year, which ended in her never being allowed to see him again - but she just can't stop...(pg.192)

It's Not That Complicated: Chapter 11-Part Three

If the scenario that the Botkin Sisters are laying out in this bit is common in home schooled young adults, people need to rethink how they are raising their daughters.  The "girls" in this section manage to be both wimpy and overly rigid at the same time.  Let's go....

"Lauren is 22, and wondering how to handle the continual over-friendliness of Marshall, and his hints about someday making something happen, when she knows he's not ready and hasn't talked to her father about a relationship. She doesn't want to end our friendship, but also doesn't want to hurt to get too involved in something that may never happen... (pg. 192)."

• Apparently, Lauren isn't worried about wasting time on non-existent problems.  
• Marshall is interested in Lauren - at least kind of - and mentions it occasionally.  
• Lauren, on the other hand, has meticulously determined Marshall's lack of readiness.
• She's also worried because Marshall - who doesn't want a relationship right now - has NOT talked to Lauren's dad about starting a relationship.  It makes no sense at all for Marshall to ask Lauren's dad about a courtship right now.
• The problem here is NOT Marshall.....

"There are such things as scoundrels and rakes; there are young men who genuinely don't know the right channels; there are good boys who aren't ready to get married yet; there are guys who are more interested in fun than commitment; and there are nice guys were just way too friendly with girls. How do we handle them?
Girls often come to us distraught over problems like, "He keeps telling me he really cares about me, but I know he hasn't talked to my dad..." "He's too friendly and I don't know what to do about it..." "He asked me for a date, but I'm committed to courtship!" "He keeps sending me gushy Facebook messages!" "He's not marriage material yet but I hate to push someone away who likes me so much..." "He stopped me in the store and asked me for my name and phone number..." "He follows me everywhere and asked me really personal questions!" "He is just so sensitive and sweet and affectionate towards me - I know he's pushing his boundaries, but I'm starting to fall for him anyway..."(pg. 196 )"

• The Botkin Sisters have an entire podcast on the topic brought up in the first paragraph.  I do not recommend it; it's terrifying for multiple reasons.
• The book takes multiple pages to come up with "answers" for each situation, but I think I can do it in much less.
• "He hasn't talked to Dad."  If that's important to you, load him up with Pop's contact information.  If the guy doesn't call, move on.
• "He's too friendly."  Is that really a problem?  If you don't like his friendliness, ignore him.  Cold-shoulder him.  Avoid him like the plague.  That will usually do the trick.
• "Asked for a date; I want courtship." Explain the difference to him. Who knows?  He might be OK with that or he may move on.  Either way, you've made your expectations known.
• "Stopped in a store for name and number."  I've never had that happen, but a "Who the (insert swear word of your choice) are you?!?" should stop that dead.
• "Follows me everywhere" That sounds like a stalker.  Reach out to your local police to find out what you need to do.
• "He's pushing his boundaries."  Chica, God did not make you responsible for him stepping over his boundaries.  Is he stepping over YOUR boundaries?  If he is, tell him to stop.  If not, stop worrying about it and enjoy the relationship.

These are the sort of situations that can be uncomfortable to deal with, but they don't have to get truly sticky unless we let them. We often have more power to direct this sort of situation than we realize. Young men have told us time and time again: girls are really the ones who set the tone for the interaction. (pg. 196)

• This is true.  Women have power in relationships!  The vast majority of guys will respect boundaries you set - either by backing away from the boundary or leaving the relationship.
• I never thought I'd agree with the Botkin Sisters on something, but this is decent advice.

In the case of Lauren and Marshall, Lauren is feeling overwhelmed with confusion over how to handle Marshall's clear interest, knowing that he's not marriage material yet, and hasn't approached to father. The solution, however, is very simple. Lauren simply needs to do three things:

Talk to her parents about the situation, and let them know her true thoughts and feelings regarding Marshall. Our parents can  help keep us accountable if our own hearts are swaying.  Our fathers are also our secret weapons in the area of dealing with guys. They are the strength that we don't have - they are the ones who can force the issues for us, the ones who can find out what a young man's intentions are towards us, the ones who can make sure no one leads us on. What if Marshall was only playing with her while he waited for something better to come along? (pg. 198)

• Oh, good.  The world has righted itself again.  You can talk to your parents, or your friends or whoever - but this isn't an actual romantic relationship and putting this much time and energy into it is messed up.
• Teaching your daughters that they can't determine a guy's intention and that they are too weak to do anything about issues that come up is sick, sick, sick, sick.  
• Reality check:
• Do you think these problems are going to disappear when you marry?  Issues will arise with your spouse; you need to know what your spouse's intentions are and you sure as hell better be able to figure out if you are being led on by your spouse!
• What happens when you interact with the real world?  Even if you plan on being a SAHM, you will need to interact with men who are not your husband on a regular basis.  Being a push-over who can't read body language or actions is NOT going to work.
• Notice how warped the Botkin Sisters view of men is; Marshall, who has done nothing wrong by most courtship standards, is dangled out as a potential playboy.  

"Interact with Marshall as a sister and not a girlfriend, as if nothing is going on... Because nothing is, right? Are pure and sisterly conduct can remind young men with their own should be.


Resist the urge to keep a candle burning for him in her heart just in case. We don't know who God intends for us to marry; we don't know who God intends for them to marry. What's important is that we keep our hearts open to what God wants. And that's going to be a lot harder if we already filled that spot with a certain someone. (pg. 198)"

• The first step to treating Marshall as a brother-in-Christ or simply as a friend is to stop obsessing over this relationship.  Truly, Marshall is not the person with a problem here.
• Yeah, it would be hard to find the person God wants Lauren to marry if Lauren is so focused on not getting into a relationship with Marshall that she's not looking at anyone else....

We're rolling through Chapter 11!  One more chunk of Botkin "Wisdom" then another session with the Boys.

It's Not That Complicated: Chapter 11 - Part 2

Welcome to the dangers of online relationships per the Botkin Sisters!  Let's dive in because there is a LOT to cover here:

Jessie is 18, sweet, naive, and longing for love and attention, but too shy to talk to the boys she knows. Online is easier. So is Omar, a wonderful charming new cyber friend. Within months, he's convinced her that no one could ever love her like he does that he's even urging her to "escape" from her home, and has bought her plane ticket to the city where he lives... (pg. 192).

It's Not That Complicated: Chapter 11 - Part 1

Ahh.  Now we launch into all the fun of reading about how Anna Sofia and Elizabeth have judging all their  friends failed (or not so failed) relationships.

I'm sure I'm going to say this a lot, but I find it crass that two young women who have had a grand total of a single rumored courtship between the two of them expect us to listen to them about how to have a healthy relationship with men.

Actually, I'm being overly optimistic.  We're going to hear about how all of their "friends" have shitty relationships.

Bluntly, I learned most of what I know about relationships from listening to adults discuss the positives and negatives of ongoing relationships going on around them.  I also watched the adults around me to see how people treated each other and which relationships I wanted to emulate some day.

"Ashley, 24, has known since she was 17 the Bradley was The One. All these years she's clung to every possible reason to hope, cherishes every friendly gesture... and now she's really from his announcement that he's just become engaged to one of her friends... (pg. 191)"

It's Not That Complicated: The Boys - Part 7

For people who have been reading along with Botkin Sisters through this series what I will say next will surprise no one. The Botkin Sisters  manage to find guys who are willing to talk about how girls should talk to each other about guys when no guys are around.
Let that sink in for a minute.
I find the idea of receiving moral advice on how I'm supposed to interact with other young women condescending.  Equally disturbing is the idea that all moral information has to be filtered through men. Heck, in this case the moral orbiters are not men but half-grown boys.
Ugh.  Here we go:

James, producer, says... Girls up and wonder why guys won't take the lead in approaching girls or simply initiating conversation. The truth is, that many guys I know are unwilling subject themselves to the gossip that they know will occur if they have a conversation with a girl. " Did you see Tommy talking to Sue? I wonder if he's interested in marrying her?" Worse yet are the mothers to try to play matchmaker. "So... When are you going to get married? What about Ruth? She's a nice girl. I saw you talking to her this afternoon. Are you guys courting?" It's not fun walking into a room and feeling like a fresh hunk of meat thrown into a shark tank, just waiting for the circle and women to attack. (pg. 181)

It's Not That Complicated: Chapter 10 - Part Four

So far, the Botkin Sisters have focused on how to bother your friends show any interest in a romantic relationship. Next, the girls explain how to become a completely social isolated loser. 

 Don't believe me? Wait until you see the advice.

How to put out a fire

However, if you're dealing with a fire someone else has started, there's still things you can do.

When other people are having a gossip festival,  just remember that the best way to put out a fire is to be a wet blanket. Don't be afraid to put a damper on things by saying, "I really don't think we should be talking about this." "Do you know this for a fact?"   "Have you consulted your parents about this?"   "Have you talked to the people involved?" (pg. 188)

• Yes! Everyone loves a wet blanket!  Simply by following this advice you can look both immature and self-important in  a few short sentences.
• Most adults - and teenagers, actually - can change the subject in a conversation without putting another person down.  And honestly, these ideas are borderline rude. The last three sentences imply that the speaker is either immature,  lying, or spreading gossip.
• As an adult woman, I am certain that my parents do not want me to consult them on every conversation about a romantic interlude between two other people that I hear about.   This was true even when I was 12. 

When you see a genuinely bad situation that requires intervention - for example, if two young people are doing things their parents don't know about that - there are appropriate channels  (your parents, and maybe theirs) to go through to the address the problem. Your girlfriends are not one of these channels. But talking to parents is different from gossip and inappropriate meddling.  (pg 189)

• is your friend in danger? Is your friend in an abusive relationship?  If she is, by all means intervene. If she is not in danger, tread carefully.
• How certain are you that your friend's parents are sane? Are you able and ready to deal with the outcome of your friend being kicked out parents who are unduly controlling? If not, mind your own business. 
• How certain are you that you know exactly what one of your friends' parents is comfortable with their daughter doing in terms of a romantic relationship? If you are wrong, you will manage to embarrass your friend slightly and yourself immensely.
• How many friends do you have? How many friends do you want to have? Following this advice is an excellent way to destroy a friendship so if you have too many friends follow the advice. If not. disregard this  advice.

When you're the one being gossiped about, don't respond emotionally or immaturely. Take this is an opportunity to examine yourself and your conduct - have you been giving people a reason to talk? If you and your parents are sure you haven't, then don't stress out about it, and don't take it personally. When people talk about you, it means they're watching you - be sure that you are modeling conduct that's  irreproachable. Give them a reason to whisper excitedly about how well you've been behaving.

When we discover that people are making things up behind our backs -"I bet they're not allowed to talk to boys." " Look at who she's talking to again! " " What horrible thing do you suppose Anna Sofia did to make her father force her to be single forever?" "Between Tom, Dick, and Harry, I'm betting Elizabeth marries Harry."  "Anna Sophia and Alfred would make a great couple. I think I'll go tell her!" - we don't need to let it get to us. This is the sort of thing that can bring comedy to our lives.(pg. 189)

• Skip the self-reflection. People will gossip. it's not worth living your life based on what will give them the most minimal amount of gossip.
• No one is ever going to whisper excitedly about how well you've been behaving. I am speaking from years of experience; no one gives a shit about people behave well.
• in all fairness to the gossips, when your father has spent years telling people that you and your sister has been raised specifically for the purpose of being wives and mothers, do not be surprised when people ask why you are neither a wife nor a mother when approaching 30.  And if you think it's bad now, wait until you turn 35.
• I don't see what's so wrong about telling an adult that you think they would make a nice couple with another adult.   Not a great idea if they're both 10, but I don't think 10 year-olds should be reading this book either... 

When people are prodding and prying, give an answer for the hope that is within you. 

With nearly fifty years of life between the two of us, we have had our share of encounters with both the well-meaning and the snoops who mistook our business for their business, asking everything from "why aren't you married yet?"  "So, are you interested in boys yet?" "So, when are you going to get married?" "Why don't you have a boyfriend?"  "So...wedding plans?"  "Is something going on between you and Harry?" "Is it hard not being married?" "You do know you're getting older, right?" "Why won't you consider polygamy?" "Can I give your number to a friend of mine?" "Have you met Algernon? He's really cute and good with kids!" "So, who would you like to marry?" (pg. 189)

• So, I'm just spitballing here, but I'm willing to bet that Elizabeth and Anna Sophia have had a lot more of these conversations know that they are approaching 50 years of life between the two of them then they had when this book was written.
• I find it interesting how the questions are a mix of outright rude, standard curiosity, and well-meaning advice.  I wonder how many of their friends suspect that one or both of the sisters are lesbians and are asking the question about interest in boys to open a difficult conversation topic.
• I would recommend that if a friend offered to give your number to a guy they know  - take them up on it. Likewise, if they know a guy they are willing to introduce you to who is cute and good with kids, say "Yes, I would love that."

Instead of dreading these questions, we should embrace the opportunity to tell them why we do have hope and not despair; why were not boy-crazy; why we trust the Lord with the future; how we guard our hearts and minds; how much fruit God is bringing from are single years; and how all the ways we are trying to serve the Lord now. These are the god-given opportunity is to show people a glimmer of hope, a bigger vision, giving them a reason to trust in God too.  (pg 189)

• These are some of the worst conversation topics I've ever heard of.I can't believe it actually think someone who asked the question quote do you have a boyfriend? Quote is interested in a discussion about how big are their hearts and Minds.
• presumably the Botkin Sisters have been sharing this conversation topics with their friends since the book was written. I also Imagine for most of the people who their friends with these topics of conversation has become stale. it's one thing to have a conversation with your friend  who is 23 about how trust the Lord with their future and another thing to have the same conversation when their friend is now 30.
• Expecting your personal story to give people a glimmer of hope for a reason to trust in God can blow up in your face.  After all,  the Botkin Sisters have been telling these stories to their friends and conference attendees for the better part of ten years now. 

That's the end of this chapter. Now that the Botkin Sisters have passed on to their readers ways to scare off both men and women we can move on to the Botkin Sisters' interpretation of how a bunch of other young women have screwed up relationships. Sounds like fun!  

It's Not That Complicated: Chapter 10 - Part 3

This is the section where the Botkin Sisters decide to act as the arbitrators of how girls should interact with each other.  You might expect that they would have some personal experience in this area.  After reading this chunk, I don't think they have much more experience with female friends than they do with male friends.

Contributing to the delinquency of another  

They're not supposed to be head hunting... so don't ask them, “Who do you think is cute?” or “Who do you want to marry?” They don't need help thinking the wrong kinds of thoughts towards young men, or trying to pick out specific ones as if it were their place to do the choosing (pg 186).

It's Not That Complicated: Chapter 10-Part Two

I've started blogging again after a several month break.  I'm pregnant and my body responded to the change in hormones by having my digestive system go berserk and my hips widened by two inches from relaxing soft tissue which lead to lots of hip and back pain.  So, yeah, I spent most of the summer curled into a ball.

Good news is between a doctor-recommended mix of Unisom and B6 that caused me to stop vomiting and start eating again and lots of stretching, I'm back to my usual sardonic self.

Added bonus: when I restarted my grad school program, I found a free voice-based transcription software package online to help me transcribe the interviews I am collecting for my thesis.  This package lets me prepare selected quotes from the Botkin Sisters book in a quarter of the time it took me to type myself from the book.  Plus, reading this book aloud is a simple pleasure.  It reads a bit like a 1950's etiquette manual written by a grandmother rather than a 21st century book written by two women in their early twenties.

Let's dive back in:

Overarching Theme: Being involved in starting a romance is horrifyingly wrong! 

Trying to start things
Not that it's wrong to introduce people or say nice things about person A to person B and if one's interests are known to be bigger than love and marriage- if one of the general relationship broker and not just a romance broker - people will likely take such things in the healthy spirit in which it was meant. But then there's a kind of matchmaker that a friend of ours described as "much to be feared". Like the kind that sets up introductions and tete-a-tetes as though they were directing their own personal soap opera, and stand off to the side to watch and giggle. Or like the man who once called out loudly during a large dinner, "so X wants to marry one of the Y girls, and can't decide which one!" leaving X sitting at that very moment across from the Y girls to choke on his soup and turn purple. Not only did no marriage is come of it but the friendship possibilities were largely spoiled as well (not to mention the appetites). Or like the matchmaker that has a dreadful taste and keeps trying to set us up with her the lonely, strange friends. (pg. 181-182)

So now the only people allowed to act as matchmakers are the parents of the teenagers? I've never liked playing matchmaker but some people are quite good at it. if I were the Botkin Sisters, I would NOT hesitate to turn my nose up at a good date or courtship or whatever.

Yes, standing off to the side and watching two people you've introduced meet each other and giggling is immature. Like Junior High-level of immaturity . That's why we don't let junior high students be matchmakers. However, real adults generally do not behave like this. if you are a real adult and your friends behave like this, you need to find new friends.

Be honest now. How many married couples do you know that never had an awkward moment while dating due to an odd family member making an offhand reference? X may marry one of the Y girls someday and this would be a hilarious story to pass on in the family.

The Botkin sisters think that their friends keep setting them up with lonely, strange dates. Pot, meet kettle.

I am amazed at how bitchy the Botkin Sisters are towards their “friends”. Yeah, they lob some half-hearted criticisms at nameless feminists, but they save most of their venom for people they actually know. That's quite disturbing.

Trying to stop things
Often this is because the meddler actually wants to start something else. We've seen good conversations hijacked by jealous third parties. We've seen people try to sabotage other people's relationships (sometimes throwing themselves in the way or interposing other people). We've seen girls complain about guys talking to and befriending other girls which would normally be the kind of thing that they would promote, were not their own interests in the way) and raising motions to get these things stopped. (pg. 182)

• I really think the Botkin Sisters need new friends. This behavior is age appropriate between 12 and 14 years of age and should be completely gone by age 20.
  

• When they use the word "interposing" this is actually a long set up for a footnote that invokes the Doctrine of Interposition as a joke. Look, I love academic jokes as much as the next person but your audience has to know the doctrine for the joke to make any sense. Based on my Google search, very few people study or use the Doctrine of Interposition on a regular basis.
  
• Man, talk about cutting off your own nose to spite your face. Trying to get boy-girl talk banned will come back to bite you when you meet the next cute guy. Of course, most of us learn that lesson in - surprise, surprise! - Junior High.
  

Looking out for number one
Rather than looking out for everyone else is good, sometimes we're actually just looking out for our own good. Maybe we're not trying to set and match someone else's game. Maybe our own love life is the soap opera that we're trying to write and direct. Maybe we're manipulating circumstances and engineering stale mates among our friends because we want something or someone for ourselves. We interpose, hijack, flatter, slander, stalk and show two faces so that we can win this game. (pg. 185)

• Welcome to reality. Most adults are in control of their own love life. They choose to take an active role in it. This is not new nor should it be condemned.
• Ahh. Another example of "one thing is not like the other" from the Botkin Sisters. Flattery can be a part of romantic relationship. Hijacking, slandering, stalking and being two-faced is likely to end badly in the long run – and stalking is illegal. (Well, so is hijacking, but they are using a different use of the word....)
  
• Looking back over various relationships and people who try to sabotage other people's relationships, I can't think of many examples where the relationship actually ended because of the sabotuer's actions. I mean, the couple isn't stupid; you can tell when someone is messing with you. Plus, I can't think of any time that the sabotuer ended up in a long-term relationship with the person whose relationship they ended.
  

Well, the Botkin Sisters are really scraping the bottom of the barrel now for stories. Next up, lots of really helpful lists – especially if you want to get rid of any female friends you currently have.

It's Not That Complicated: Chapter 10 - Part One

This chapter is titled "Playing with Matches: Meddling with Other People's Relationships".   Honestly, most of this very, very short chapter is on what you can and cannot talk to female friends about.

The introduction for this chapter is the worst historical mangle of the entire book.

"Once upon a time, in a nice Christian community named 'Peace', a bunch of average, church-going tweenaged (sic) girls began meeting in a kitchen for some "quality girl time", to enjoy space away from their parents, speculate about their future husbands, and complain about other people in the community.  Once their collective imaginations were fanned into hysteria, their meddlings set the community on fire.  By the year's end, 150 innocent people had been imprisoned and 20 had been hanged or pressed to death for witchcraft.  What this typical-girl talk had turned into was the Salem Witch Trials.

Many know the sad story of Salem as a cautionary tale about the dangers of superstition, community hysteria, or lapses on due process.  But there is another lesson buried in these events, one especially one for young women.  When girls let their minds be overrun with curiosity and fear about the future (and the paranormal); when they cut themselves off from reality and accountability to commune together in secret girl-talk sessions; when they get hopped up on each other's estrogen and emotionalism; when they feed the fires of each other's conjecture and imaginings; when they stir the pot of gossip, grudges, and desire for attention - people can get burned." (pgs. 179-180)

• The Botkin Family spends a great deal of time talking about how they understand history better than anyone else.  This section pretty clearly illustrates the difference between historical research done by professionals and what passes for research under the Botkin Family.
• To save time, the book I used to debunk this section is "The Salem Witch Trials: A Day-By-Day Chronicle of A Community Under Siege" by Marilynne K. Roach published in 2002.  Ms. Roach spent 20 years compiling a timeline of the Salem Witch Trials using archived documents. This book provides a comprehensive overview of what was happening in Salem and surrounding communities.  She is also very clear when the record has gaps or questions that cannot be currently answered due to lost documents. 
• By comparison, Anna Sofia and Elizabeth seem to have spent 20 minutes reading secondary sources and applying their conclusions too broadly.  (And by secondary sources, I mean they failed to do even a cursory read of the Wikipedia article.  Maybe they watched the first 15 minutes of "The Crucible" by Arthur Miller and failed to watch the rest of the film. Oh, who am I kidding?  They've never read or watched "The Crucible")  This is unfortunate because the Salem Witch Trials have a great deal to teach the followers of CP.

Let's get the most obvious problem out of the way first:

There is no evidence that the accusers in the Salem Witch Trials ever met together alone for girl talk or any communal dabblings in the occult.

• It's easy enough to see where the mistaken idea came in.  Several girls in the community admitted to having tried to predict their future husbands using a trick of watching the shape that an egg white takes in a glass.  One of the local women made a witch cake early in the timeline to try and determine who was afflicting the girls.  Tituba, a female slave who lived in the same household as one of the accusers, explained that she didn't do any bad magic, but had done good magic to try and protect the girls' in the house from witchcraft.  
• It doesn't take much from these unrelated events to craft the commonly understood story that a bunch of pre-teen or teenage girls were meeting with Tituba to learn some harmless occult practices.
• On the flip side, when would these girls have had time to get together?  Salem Village or Salem Farms was a working community.  The amount of work that needed to be done during the growing season was staggering: planting, weeding, harvesting, preserving, preparing fibers, making cloth, making clothes, caring for livestock, making dairy products,  repairing household items, caring for the sick, young and elderly...the list never ends.  The winter had fewer chores, but cold weather and snow makes traveling dicey during 25% of the year.
• Even if the girls did manage to get together, how would they have avoided their parents?  It's not like these girls lived in a modern home.  If one girl visited another, she would have likely been helping out with chores or been knitting under the watchful eye of the mother.  

Salem was not a peaceful place during the time of the Salem Witch Trials.

• The Botkin Family seems to believe that the end times are near.  If they do believe that, it would behoove them to look at the effects that a fractured society had on the people within it.
• Massachusetts was in an uncertain legal status.  The original charter had been revoked.  England had sent over a greatly hated governor who was eventually removed from the colony.  The people of Massachusetts were uncertain of how England was going to respond and were facing a potential war against a much stronger nation.
• France and allied Native American Tribes were attacking settlements in Maine.  
• In "In the Devil's Snare: The Salem Witchcraft Crisis of 1692" Mary Beth Norton makes a compelling argument that the witchcraft trials cannot be viewed apart from the wars between the Anglo-American and French / Native American peoples that had raged for 30 years. 
• Many of the accusers would be diagnosed with PTSD today.  Refugees from towns attacked had come to Salem.  At least two of the accusers in the Salem Witch Trials had survived attacks that had killed family members.  The torments that the accusers used against the witches like "being roasted on a spit" or "being torn to pieces" were based on methods of torture the girls had witnessed while in captivity.

Historians have been able to piece together some of the preceding events that linked the adult family members of the accusers with the people accused of witchcraft.

• The story of the Salem Witch Trials is often reduced to a pat story where some girls accused women who were "traditional" victims of witchcraft, then everything spiralled out of control and random people were accused willy-nilly until the flames burned out.  That's not the reality of the situation.
• The original set of accused witches weren't so cut and dried.  
• Sarah Good is pointed out as being homeless and angry at people who turned away her requests for charity.  While that was true, it was also true that she had been involved in an ugly dispute over her father's will that predisposed her other siblings and their kin-by-marriage to justify the pittance she got on her behavior.
• Sarah Osborne had married an indentured servant after she was widowed and did not turn over the farm she and her first husband had purchased to the son of her first marriage when he came of age.
• Tituba is always described in the archived documents as an "Indian".  In a time where war was very close at hand, Tituba was likely seen as a potential traitor or double agent by some of the locals. (One of the most poignant portions of the trial for me is when Tituba explains that the Devil only required people to be his servant for 6 years.  Compare this with the fact that Tituba would never be freed.....)
• Martha Corey was a member of the local church.  She had also had a child out of wedlock who was rumored to have an African-American or Indian father.  
• Rebecca Nurse was viewed as an upstanding member of society.  Roach makes a cogent argument that the Nurse family's ability to pay for substitutes so that their sons did not need to fight in the recent and ongoing wars had lead to deep resentment among local members of Salem.

Big ideas that the Botkin sisters missed:

• Clashes between families can be transmitted across generations.  Most of the girls who were making accusations were far too young to have been directly involved in clashes between adults.  The girls had learned that it would be safe to accuse Sarah Good or Sarah Osborne through what they overheard adults say and do towards each other.
• The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  
• It's too easy and too trite to make lists of good people and bad people.  Heck, we still do that today when trying to categorize the people involved with the Salem Witch Trials, but it doesn't work.  
• Abigail Hobbs was both accused of witchcraft and accused others of witchcraft.  She's left the clearest connection between the wars in Maine and the witchcraft trial when she accused George Burroughs of consorting with the Devil and causing the attacks on local settlements.  She also likely lost her mother during one of those attacks.  So...is she a good girl or a bad girl?
• Mercy Lewis was around 19 during the trials.  She prevent some accusations of witchcraft while promoting others.  She had lost her position as a wealthy young woman in Maine when her entire family had been killed during the wars and had been reduced to work as a servant.  Does she go in the good or bad pile?
• IMHO, the Salem Witch Trials drove home the point that every person can do good and every person can do evil.
• Due process was thrown out the window in hopes of safety.  I don't believe in trying to force modern ideas on historical events - the Salem Witch Trials managed to destroy due process under their understanding of the idea.   
• People got that "spectral evidence" and "witchcraft" was an accusation that could be easily abused.  To prevent this, the accused were supposed to testify without the accuser(s) present.  This tidbit of basic courtroom procedure was thrown out.
• Previous courts made it clear that "folk" tests should not be used.  The Salem Witch Trials ignored this and made it really easy for the accusers to demonstrate that the accused were witches.  (Ironically, there were records of people being found innocent in other courts when the folk tests were used with the accuser being blindfolded.  It turns out that accusers are really bad at guessing if the person touching them is a witch if they can't see who it is.....)
• It's AMAZING how much more detailed - and accurate! - people's descriptions of who they saw interacting with the Devil became after they were thrown into a communal jail.  Prior to being jailed, people might say that they saw some shadowy men or women.  After they had had a chance to discuss testimony with other accused people, the same person could identify people they saw with the Devil clearly - even people they hadn't met.....