I love swimming and have as long as I remember. Being immersed in water frees me from some of the restraints that mild CP puts on my legs. The pressure on my body calms my anxiety. The combination of repetitive sounds from breathing and the repeating but changing views as I swim laps tamps down my ADD. I rejoiced when my son started showing signs of liking being in water; he's always gloried in baths. My son and I have enjoyed "Mommy and Me" swim classes which have been a great break from our endless round of rehabilitation appointments.
Steven Maxwell, on the other hand, sees women swimming outdoors as a modern menace:
No, no. The problem is that the neighbors refuse to mind their own business. CP/QF types are all about their own personal freedom - freedom to homeschool, freedom to preach to strangers, freedom to discriminate against LGBT+ folks - but don't give other people the same freedoms.
This woman is enjoying herself on her own property in a swimming suit that is likely considered acceptable within the larger society. If Maxwell's friends are genuinely disturbed at the sight, they have a wide variety of options. For the offending kitchen window, there are a wide variety of window covering available. Some of them include curtains, blinds, or translucent films that would set the family back less than $20.00 total. Of course, I'm a tad skeptical that the dishes are being done by the men of the family on a regular basis, but I digress.
For "in the backyard", the obvious solution is installing privacy fencing. Yeah, that's a more expensive proposition - but the Maxwells had their unmarried daughters purchase a very large playground set from a church to keep their grandkids away from public parks so why not use a few hundred dollars to put in privacy fencing? Or a hundred dollars for cheaper woven reed privacy fencing? In the few years that the fencing lasts, a decent gardener could get enough yews going to screen out the view.
The downside of these solutions is obvious: the friends of the Maxwells would lose the chance to gossip endlessly about their neighbor.
Oh, Lord.
Remind me when the husband is going to be staring out the kitchen windows while doing the dishes? Presumably only in the evening, right? He's working after breakfast and lunch because he's got a bajillion kids to support, yeah? I'm pretty sure the entire problem could be avoided if he puts off doing dishes until 10 pm at night. Or if he closes the damned window blinds. Or buys a dishwasher.
OMG - he's MORALLY OBLIGATED to buy a dishwasher for his wife! It could SAVE their marriage!
Meanwhile, we have a rhetorical question about if the swimming woman has thought about the effect that her existence might have on the wife of her neighbor - even if he's an adult male who can handle seeing the woman swim in a swimsuit. After all, she might be causing her neighbor's wife anxiety because the neighbor's wife doesn't trust her trustworthy husband to keep his penis in his pants! Clearly, the problem is with the swimming woman - not the horndog husband or his creepily possessive wife....
And what about the children?! Wait, I mean, teenage boys who could theoretically be the spiritual heads of their own household within a few years?!
It's too bad that Steven Maxwell isn't old enough to have heard the song "Stacy's Mom" before he was saved (although he might have seen The Graduate). "Stacy's Mom" revolves around the irony that a teenage boy has fallen hard for the hot mom (who literally doesn't know he exists) of a teenage girl. The reason the song is so damn funny is that teenage boys greatly prefer teenage girls over middle-aged women. If the adolescent sons of the home are getting boners from watching the neighbor woman swim, the boys need to get out around young women more.
No, she's simply unaware that her neighbors are oversexed busybodies. Well, unaware so far. I'm sure she'll figure out their general creepiness soon enough.
Random topic change: Teri Maxwell borrows someone's pool each summer to give her grandkids swimming lessons. Who wants to bet that the woman the Maxwells are cattily gossiping about is the same one who lets them use their pool?
Dude.
You've declared that men are spiritually superior to women. Men are the spiritual heads of their home, the only gender allowed to preach and the only gender allowed to start courtships.
IOW, men are supposed to be able to keep their shit together.
Instead, God's handed the reins of spirituality to a bunch of moral weaklings unable to spend 30 seconds problem-solving! Seriously, Steven Maxwell has spent several hundred words haranguing a woman for wearing a swimming suit in the privacy of her own backyard, but has NO words of censure for the gossipy friends who are maligning this woman or for their inability to close the blinds, turn away from the window or go inside if the view is that titillating.
Tuesday, October 29, 2019
Wednesday, October 16, 2019
Maxwell Mania: Hellish Halloween!
The last two weeks have been crazy busy for me - but in a good way!
The Spawn has been having huge jumps in his self-confidence around walking. He took two independent steps from his physical therapist to me at his last physical therapy appointment - and I had to hide my sudden tears from my little guy. We've been going to parks as often as possible because he'll walk assisted to a playground then climb up and down all the stairs. Spawn also likes to throw objects down slides - so I've made him a bunch of duct-taped covered beanbags for him to throw. He's having so much fun that his legs and arms will be shaking from exhaustion - but he still wants to play more.
Spawn's also starting to stand independently for short periods on his own of his own volition - so we've started playing "Toppling Toddler!" In that game, he stands with his back to me as I sit on the floor. I let go of him and he stands by himself until he topples backward and I catch him. He thinks that's hilarious because I keep saying "Oh, no! When will the toddler topple? How will I know to catch him? Oh, no! Oh, no!" in a fake-worried voice while Spawn laughs. Little does he know that I love the fact that he stands a whole lot longer because he wants to surprise me when he falls :-).
The diy home retailer that I worked at had two college-graduates leave their jobs for their first professional jobs - and they left out of two departments that I am trained in so I've picked up a lot of hours. One of the jobs I've gotten trained in is working the guest service desk. It's not my favorite job - but there's a lot of problem-solving which I'm good at and I have enough customer service experience to laugh off the rare irritated person. I hadn't thought my skills were anything unusual - but I received an internal prize for willingness to learn new skills and how quickly I picked up my new skills. Since Spawn will be starting school soon - so soon! - I'll be applying for a full-time position that will be opening in the paint department around New Year that'll be available for afternoon/evening shifts.
While all of that has been going on, fall has come to Michigan. I love fall - and I love Halloween. I enjoy seeing little kids all dressed up in their costumes - and the costumes of not-so-little kids as well. For Spawn's first Halloween when he was nearly a year old, I dressed him up as an elephant. Last year, I dressed him up as Mr. Peabody from "Bullwinkle and Friends" because his round blue glasses combined with the fact that his hair grows naturally into a part-less front triangle made it self-explanatory to anyone who saw the show. This year, I found a cute second-hand lion costume which is as close to a cat (Spawn's favorite animal) as I've seen. I generally throw on a witch's hat and call it good. My husband doesn't like group costumes so I've informed him that his costume this year is "not-a-wardrobe" because I can't pass up that obvious of a pun; my husband approves.
Since I haven't had time to read in the next few chapters of "Joyfully At Home", I decided to go for low-hanging fruit again. I went to Titus 2, searched the term Halloween, and found this gem article where Teri Maxwell shares how her family evolved from celebrating Halloween like most Americans to where they are today. Mrs. Maxwell begins with the trickiest bit of the whole story: navigating the fact that Steven and Teri Maxwell grew up trick-or-treating and enjoyed it! She falls back on the trope of having a realization of how Christians shouldn't do that after she was born-again - but she's still got the issue of explaining why their family tried to celebrate Halloween in various ways for 15 years before giving up the ghost.
She declares that she thought that she could manage to celebrate Halloween while keeping her family's values intact. That made me giggle a bit because parenting is essentially figuring out how to interact with the world in ways that pass important values down to your kids - but hey - why admit the Maxwells are all in the same boat as the rest of us?
After fulfilling that trope, Mrs. Maxwell launches into a second trope: good Christians are doomed to be miserable when doing worldly things:
How much of this story is true and how much of it is a technicolor creation for motivated readers thinking about forgoing Halloween? A later section about their second attempt at Halloween happened when Nathan was six years old so the previous quote discusses Teri going trick-or-treating with a 5-year old, a two or three year old and an infant of less than a year. The first thing that struck me about that is that no one can refute her memories; I have no clear memories of specific Halloweens until I was a pre-teen.
More broadly, how much of this alleged fiasco was just plain bad planning? We take our son out trick-or-treating while the sun is still up with two adults (or more if we have grandparents in tow) and are completely finished before it is dark. Seeing strangers in masks is amusing in daylight with lots of company. It can be totally terrifying in the dark for small children! Honestly, trick-or-treating is more fun for my husband and I than it is for our son at his age - so why did Teri drag all three kids out by herself? Couldn't Steven come along to help with crowd control? Or stay at home with little Christopher and tiny Sarah while Teri took Nathan out?
Interesting fact: in 1984 when this attempt at Halloween went down, the Maxwells could have prevented children showing up at the door by turning the house light off. I'm deeply sorry that the Maxwells had to suffer through eight more years of attempts at Halloween before they figured that little social norm out.
And yes! Children LOVE doing the grudge work behind the scenes while other kids get to wear costumes and get bulging bags of candy! Added bonus: CHICK TRACTS! Nothing is more fun that giving other children comics that manage to be melodramatic and preachy at the same time!
Apparently, six-year old Nathan gave out candy and tracts once, then gave the bowl back to his mom and ran to his dad. Teri Maxwell explains that he didn't want to do it because the masks of the kids were really scary - but I suspect Nathan was more than old enough to realize he was getting ripped off and refused to participate.
As someone who has lots of experience in customer service, this next anecdote made me laugh so hard I cried:
No! Not a witch! Who would expect an adult woman wearing a costume that costs around $5.00 for a hat added to serviceable black clothing in a waitress job? Oh, wait. Everyone. Literally anyone who has celebrated Halloween in the US ever - except the Maxwells.
My apologies to the server who had two Maxwell parents glaring at her all night. I hope she was still working there the next year when the Maxwells called to pre-approve the costumes of the waitstaff because that's customer service comedic gold!
Remember, the Maxwells were already speeding down the path to massively restricting reading materials for children - including animals that talk. What costumes, then, would be acceptable? Bible characters - but we aren't speaking the correct languages! Oh, woe is us!
I grew up in a neighborhood where one family or another would stop celebrating Halloween for a year or two at a time for religious reasons. My memories of these families didn't include trying to shelter their kids from knowing that Halloween existed; they just taught their kids that anyone who was celebrating Halloween was going to hell - and Jesus really loved the non-Halloween kids more. Kinda like the Chick Tract I linked - but more self-important and prim.
Finally, Mrs. Maxwell shares how totally isolated from society her kids had become with pride:
Pause and think about the level of sheltering the Maxwells claim to be proud of.
The younger kids (e.g., everyone below Sarah) were unaware of a major holiday in the US. Instead, the younger kids thought that people put out Christmas lights for a few weeks, took them down, and put up Christmas lights again? Which makes me curious - are the younger Maxwells completely incurious - or did the parents lie through their teeth? I have to imagine someone in the family asked why people changed out Christmas light colors - but I have no idea how to answer that without lying...a lot.
On the other hand, the last two sentences make me laugh every single time. Man, that nursing home should know better than to decorate curtains with posters of serial killers and genocidal leaders. No wonder the people in the nursing home are sad! But seriously - that's how the Maxwells treat the fifty cent crepe-paper ghosts, witches, pumpkins and skeletons that predominate in institutional setting.
It's really mean to keep the kids away from the nursing home ministry for a month. First, those elderly Christians are the ONLY source of non-family interaction that most of the Maxwell kids have. Second, if the residents have to listen to Steven Maxwell for an hour, they should at least get the amusement of seeing some Maxwell kids. Actually, that makes me wonder if attendance at the nursing home services drops off in October...or if Maxwell thought about asking the home to cover the decorations during the service.
Ah, well. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did!
Follow-up: After a large(ish) windstorm, the one internet tower that reaches our house was damaged. Our internet mostly dead and I can rarely sneak away to work on posts. As soon as the tower is repaired, I'll be back online.
The Spawn has been having huge jumps in his self-confidence around walking. He took two independent steps from his physical therapist to me at his last physical therapy appointment - and I had to hide my sudden tears from my little guy. We've been going to parks as often as possible because he'll walk assisted to a playground then climb up and down all the stairs. Spawn also likes to throw objects down slides - so I've made him a bunch of duct-taped covered beanbags for him to throw. He's having so much fun that his legs and arms will be shaking from exhaustion - but he still wants to play more.
Spawn's also starting to stand independently for short periods on his own of his own volition - so we've started playing "Toppling Toddler!" In that game, he stands with his back to me as I sit on the floor. I let go of him and he stands by himself until he topples backward and I catch him. He thinks that's hilarious because I keep saying "Oh, no! When will the toddler topple? How will I know to catch him? Oh, no! Oh, no!" in a fake-worried voice while Spawn laughs. Little does he know that I love the fact that he stands a whole lot longer because he wants to surprise me when he falls :-).
The diy home retailer that I worked at had two college-graduates leave their jobs for their first professional jobs - and they left out of two departments that I am trained in so I've picked up a lot of hours. One of the jobs I've gotten trained in is working the guest service desk. It's not my favorite job - but there's a lot of problem-solving which I'm good at and I have enough customer service experience to laugh off the rare irritated person. I hadn't thought my skills were anything unusual - but I received an internal prize for willingness to learn new skills and how quickly I picked up my new skills. Since Spawn will be starting school soon - so soon! - I'll be applying for a full-time position that will be opening in the paint department around New Year that'll be available for afternoon/evening shifts.
While all of that has been going on, fall has come to Michigan. I love fall - and I love Halloween. I enjoy seeing little kids all dressed up in their costumes - and the costumes of not-so-little kids as well. For Spawn's first Halloween when he was nearly a year old, I dressed him up as an elephant. Last year, I dressed him up as Mr. Peabody from "Bullwinkle and Friends" because his round blue glasses combined with the fact that his hair grows naturally into a part-less front triangle made it self-explanatory to anyone who saw the show. This year, I found a cute second-hand lion costume which is as close to a cat (Spawn's favorite animal) as I've seen. I generally throw on a witch's hat and call it good. My husband doesn't like group costumes so I've informed him that his costume this year is "not-a-wardrobe" because I can't pass up that obvious of a pun; my husband approves.
Since I haven't had time to read in the next few chapters of "Joyfully At Home", I decided to go for low-hanging fruit again. I went to Titus 2, searched the term Halloween, and found this gem article where Teri Maxwell shares how her family evolved from celebrating Halloween like most Americans to where they are today. Mrs. Maxwell begins with the trickiest bit of the whole story: navigating the fact that Steven and Teri Maxwell grew up trick-or-treating and enjoyed it! She falls back on the trope of having a realization of how Christians shouldn't do that after she was born-again - but she's still got the issue of explaining why their family tried to celebrate Halloween in various ways for 15 years before giving up the ghost.
She declares that she thought that she could manage to celebrate Halloween while keeping her family's values intact. That made me giggle a bit because parenting is essentially figuring out how to interact with the world in ways that pass important values down to your kids - but hey - why admit the Maxwells are all in the same boat as the rest of us?
After fulfilling that trope, Mrs. Maxwell launches into a second trope: good Christians are doomed to be miserable when doing worldly things:
How much of this story is true and how much of it is a technicolor creation for motivated readers thinking about forgoing Halloween? A later section about their second attempt at Halloween happened when Nathan was six years old so the previous quote discusses Teri going trick-or-treating with a 5-year old, a two or three year old and an infant of less than a year. The first thing that struck me about that is that no one can refute her memories; I have no clear memories of specific Halloweens until I was a pre-teen.
More broadly, how much of this alleged fiasco was just plain bad planning? We take our son out trick-or-treating while the sun is still up with two adults (or more if we have grandparents in tow) and are completely finished before it is dark. Seeing strangers in masks is amusing in daylight with lots of company. It can be totally terrifying in the dark for small children! Honestly, trick-or-treating is more fun for my husband and I than it is for our son at his age - so why did Teri drag all three kids out by herself? Couldn't Steven come along to help with crowd control? Or stay at home with little Christopher and tiny Sarah while Teri took Nathan out?
Interesting fact: in 1984 when this attempt at Halloween went down, the Maxwells could have prevented children showing up at the door by turning the house light off. I'm deeply sorry that the Maxwells had to suffer through eight more years of attempts at Halloween before they figured that little social norm out.
And yes! Children LOVE doing the grudge work behind the scenes while other kids get to wear costumes and get bulging bags of candy! Added bonus: CHICK TRACTS! Nothing is more fun that giving other children comics that manage to be melodramatic and preachy at the same time!
Apparently, six-year old Nathan gave out candy and tracts once, then gave the bowl back to his mom and ran to his dad. Teri Maxwell explains that he didn't want to do it because the masks of the kids were really scary - but I suspect Nathan was more than old enough to realize he was getting ripped off and refused to participate.
As someone who has lots of experience in customer service, this next anecdote made me laugh so hard I cried:
No! Not a witch! Who would expect an adult woman wearing a costume that costs around $5.00 for a hat added to serviceable black clothing in a waitress job? Oh, wait. Everyone. Literally anyone who has celebrated Halloween in the US ever - except the Maxwells.
My apologies to the server who had two Maxwell parents glaring at her all night. I hope she was still working there the next year when the Maxwells called to pre-approve the costumes of the waitstaff because that's customer service comedic gold!
Remember, the Maxwells were already speeding down the path to massively restricting reading materials for children - including animals that talk. What costumes, then, would be acceptable? Bible characters - but we aren't speaking the correct languages! Oh, woe is us!
I grew up in a neighborhood where one family or another would stop celebrating Halloween for a year or two at a time for religious reasons. My memories of these families didn't include trying to shelter their kids from knowing that Halloween existed; they just taught their kids that anyone who was celebrating Halloween was going to hell - and Jesus really loved the non-Halloween kids more. Kinda like the Chick Tract I linked - but more self-important and prim.
Finally, Mrs. Maxwell shares how totally isolated from society her kids had become with pride:
Pause and think about the level of sheltering the Maxwells claim to be proud of.
The younger kids (e.g., everyone below Sarah) were unaware of a major holiday in the US. Instead, the younger kids thought that people put out Christmas lights for a few weeks, took them down, and put up Christmas lights again? Which makes me curious - are the younger Maxwells completely incurious - or did the parents lie through their teeth? I have to imagine someone in the family asked why people changed out Christmas light colors - but I have no idea how to answer that without lying...a lot.
On the other hand, the last two sentences make me laugh every single time. Man, that nursing home should know better than to decorate curtains with posters of serial killers and genocidal leaders. No wonder the people in the nursing home are sad! But seriously - that's how the Maxwells treat the fifty cent crepe-paper ghosts, witches, pumpkins and skeletons that predominate in institutional setting.
It's really mean to keep the kids away from the nursing home ministry for a month. First, those elderly Christians are the ONLY source of non-family interaction that most of the Maxwell kids have. Second, if the residents have to listen to Steven Maxwell for an hour, they should at least get the amusement of seeing some Maxwell kids. Actually, that makes me wonder if attendance at the nursing home services drops off in October...or if Maxwell thought about asking the home to cover the decorations during the service.
Ah, well. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did!
Follow-up: After a large(ish) windstorm, the one internet tower that reaches our house was damaged. Our internet mostly dead and I can rarely sneak away to work on posts. As soon as the tower is repaired, I'll be back online.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)