Maxwell Megalomania: How to Drive Off Blog Readers and Daughters

I'm excited today!  We've gotten real snow again here in West Michigan!  I know that lots of people don't like cold weather - but I thrive in chilly weather.  I love cross-country skiing and if we have snow, I can strap my skis on outside my back door and escape across the mile of fallowed agricultural fields behind us.   Even if we don't get enough snow to ski, the landscape looks much better with a fresh clean blanket of snow than it does with grey-brown dead annual vegetation.

In my last post, I discussed how I was triggered by a letter a Maxwell blog reader sent to Teri Maxwell that Teri Maxwell published in her weekly newsletter.   That type of personal discomfort is very rare for me when reading CP/QF blogs; having lived outside of CP/QF society for my childhood and adulthood I'm much more likely to be confused as upset.  The Maxwells, on the other hand, often give me second-hand embarrassment from their habit of ignoring basic social and family conventions.

This week has given us two separate examples of Maxwellian awkwardness.  The first example is a blog post written by Steven Maxwell in a snit about a comment from a blog reader that seemed pretty innocuous to me.  "Erica" had a question about whether avoiding entertainment could lead a person to become a workaholic.   Below is "Erica's" comment and the first few sentences of Steven Maxwell's reply:

I concur with the idea that entertainment detracts from more useful application of one’s energy, especially since time can so easily slip away when you’re distracted. My question for you is whether there comes a point in time when one is too focused on serious pursuits, i.e. being a “work-a-holic”? How do you balance focused learning or on-task time with relaxing fellowship time? Erica

Hi Erica,

First, I’m not sure it follows that the opposite of loving entertainment is being a work-a-holic. It seems like there might be a subtle inference of that in your question. That aside, maybe there are some who become too focused on serious pursuits. However, our personal experience and observations of others is that the natural pull/tendency is toward wasting time, particularly through various forms of entertainment, versus too many serious pursuits.

I'm honestly curious what spectra exist in Steven Maxwell's world involving "overly involved in pursuing entertainment" and "overly dedicated to working at the expense of others."   I think it's a bit messy - but I think people can visualize "entertainment hogs" and "workaholics" as opposite ends of a spectrum.   Maxwell never bothers to clarify what the correct oppositions are in his world besides "following Christ". 

Personally, I think Erica hit a nerve without meaning to.  I think Erica wanted an answer about how the Maxwells make sure they have enough fellowship.  Since Sarah Maxwell posts pictures of the Maxwell Families hanging out all the time, I'd suspect that a simple response about the holiday parties, memorized Bible recitations by the little ones and a run-down of how fun working together as a family on rebuilding homes. 

 Instead, Steven Maxwell starts by arguing with a reader about an implication in their question before launching into Bible verses.  That's a great example of control freak behaviors leaking out.

Erica - I think you deserve a real answer to your question. 

To me, a workaholic is someone who uses work to ignore or avoid problems in their personal life.

 I don't know if Steven Maxwell is a workaholic, but there is a theme in Steven Maxwell's writings of needing to control the lives of his family members to a pathological degree. 

• His family sells "Managers of Their Homes" and "Managers of Their Schools" which encourages people to schedule the entire day of all dependent family members including wives and adult children.  The Maxwells believe that intensive scheduling "helped" Teri Maxwell through her periods of postpartum depression.  Personally, I wish that the Maxwells had sought out medical advice for Teri instead.   
• Steven Maxwell pulled his oldest two boys out of organized sports at age 13 and 11 because he couldn't control exactly which peers they spent time with.  
• The Maxwell sons are encouraged to purchase their own homes, but discouraged from living in those homes prior to marriage.
• Seven out of eight adult children work in Maxwell businesses.  
• Four Maxwell sons are married.  Two of those sons had previous public engagements called off after concerns surfaced over how entangled the adult sons were with their parents.
• Steven brags about the fact that he purposely rejected chances for his kids to do fun activities like downhill skiing and flying in small planes so that the kids could not become addicted to these activities.  The fact that Steven flew small planes to an extent that affected his family financially and logistically is minimized on the other hand.

Personally, I find the Maxwell habit of disdaining nearly all written literature short-sighted. The world is filled with great works that strengthen and challenge adults.  By hemming the family insight to the Bible and carefully selected biographies of Christian missionaries, the Maxwells are missing so much of the glory of God.   I find their blanket ban on television and movies equally bizarre.  There is a lot of trash on TV - but there's a lot of really good, educational shows as well.  I've watched my way through plenty of history and science documentaries while crocheting replacement dish towels or sewing quilts for local foster kids.  A show about helping homesteaders showed me some techniques to maximize heat retention in a cold frame so hopefully we can grow some greens next winter.   I feel like the Maxwell disdain for media is a form of elitist snobbery as much as a form of sheltering.

The second example of Maxwellian awkwardness is Teri Maxwell's post celebrating Sarah's 37th birthday.  Feel free to read the post yourself but I can summarize it for you: "You thought you'd be married with kids by now.  Silly you!  Good thing your work review for the family business is positive. We'll review again next year." 

Obvious questions here: who raised Sarah to believe that her main mission in life was being a wife  and mother? 

Who structured Sarah's life to be so sheltered that the likelihood of her meeting a potential suitor was nearly zero? 

Who has used Sarah as the primary administrator of the forums on Titus 2 Ministries and as the shipping department for Titus 2 Ministries for the last 21 years? 

Who has benefited from the profits of the twelve children's books that Sarah has written?

The answer is Steven and Teri Maxwell. 

Sarah and I are in the same age cohort. 

We graduated high school in the same year.   I have a college education and an established career.  I'm finding unexpected pleasure in working as a substitute teacher in Special Education classrooms.  Sarah has been used as an underacknowledged laborer in her parents' and brothers' businesses while writing books about the joys of childhood.

My parents raised me with the expectation that I could marry and have children if I wanted - but that my life would be meaningful regardless of how I structured my family.   Sarah was taught that women should be wives and mothers; any other path was substandard.

My parents taught me that some people in the world were untrustworthy, but they trusted my ability to choose who I wanted to date and marry.  Sarah was taught that most men are predators and only her father could safely determine which men she should safely interact with.

My husband and I have been married for six and a half years.  I have a toddler boy who looks like my husband from the front and my younger brother from behind.  Spawn's got my nose and laugh as proof of maternity.  The two years since Spawn was born have pushed me in ways that I would have terrified me if I had known what was coming in advance - but I have grown into my own skin in ways that will benefit me and mine all my days.  Sarah has a gorgeous lab named Ellie.

I hope that Sarah finds her life as fulfilling as I find mine to be.  I hope that this year moves her closer to her dreams.  And - if nothing else - I hope this year her family learns to describe her with adjectives besides those used in job assessments.