Babbling Botkin: "What If My Husband Dies?" - Part Nine

 

We survived the first week of distance learning with Spawn!  

I do not want to homeschool my kid - but during a global pandemics - needs must.   Thankfully, he's young and doing fine on traditional literacy and numeracy skills so I can use most of the time to focus in on PT and OT skills.   I do some skills most mornings that way Spawn has a little more consistency in a world that has changed a lot from his point of view.  This morning - which is Saturday in case this takes me longer than a day to write - we went outside to plant some daffodil bulbs. 

Does anyone else wonder what percentage of floral bulb exports end up being thrown out or composted after sitting in someone's car or front entry way for nine months?  Is that just me? 

Anyways, I had picked up a pack of 35 ruffled pink/white daffodils in September and managed to bring them in from my car before they were roasted or frozen.   Spawn declared that he was a farmer and managed to do a very respectable job of moving dirt around considering my hoe and shovel are adult-sized and Spawn's an average sized nearly four-year old.     I thought he'd be willing to touch the bulbs but balk at touching dirt.  I was totally wrong; he handed me a few bulbs, then made a dash for the dirt which he played with quite happily.     After we got them planted, he and I moseyed our way over to look at the cows and the skid steer that was cleaning out the barn.   I figure both of those are plenty of PT work - doubly so since the tools required a lot of balance practice and motor planning - and we'll get some OT work in by coloring, taking beads out of playdough or doing a puzzle later today.

The bit that turned out to be more exhausting than I expected was keeping track of the one virtual class meeting, one virtual small group meeting, one in-person PT meeting and one in-person Speech/OT meetings on top of our usual schedule of events.    I felt like I was always on the move during a week where I had more hours than usual at work - but I think that will settle itself out with time.

We are over halfway through Geoffrey Botkin's video monologue titled "What If My Husband Dies?"  The last section was about how critically important it was for boys to be around their fathers to learn how business works.  Boys also have to be around their dads at work to learn diligence, perseverance and skills.   Apparently, there's no other way to learn these skills outside of shadowing your father at his self-owned business.  Nope.....the rest of us are out of luck.  :-)

Onward to the next jarring moment:

[00:09:34] So all boys need to be getting everything they can from their fathers in the way of character by watching them in every single age of life.  If your sons do lose their father try to find some way the mentoring process can continue with other responsible men in your community.  Now, that's, that's a hard ask, I know.  But as long as you're getting to know men and - maybe you and your husband can even talk about it - who are the kind of men you would like your sons to be around?

 Wait - exactly how isolated is the proper CP/QF wife and mother?

Doesn't she know men from her church or her home business or her family?   

I would view a male relative as a safer bet for a long-term mentoring process than some guy this woman is just starting to get to know in her community.    I don't mean that as a "Any guy interested in a fatherless kid is a predator" way; it's just that families tend to stay in contact with each other over decades more effectively than people in the same church or neighborhood do.

The woman can certainly talk with her husband now - but this isn't going to be something that he can plan in great detail prior to his death.    Life circumstances change over time.  Elder Joe is a great guy today - but in five years, he's going to have to move across the country for work and comes back once a decade after that.   At the same time, the mom is going to meet a really nice older woman at her job who takes her under her whole family under her wing.  They never planned it that way - but the coworker's husband teaches her boys lots of important lessons about doing what is right while taking them fishing.

Keep your sons around kind men.  That's the most important lesson - taking time to help out others who are in need.

 [00:10:03]  You know, really good responsible men who might take an interest in them and take them under their wings and help them learn and grow and prosper and develop.  So, this,  this really practical point I'm going to make is this: keep your eye open in your community for honorable men of character who might be able to do short apprenticeships with your sons as they get older.

How old are these kids again?   

This is excellent advice if your sons are in their teens and an exercise in futility if your kids are under 5.

Now - this is some crazy talk, I know - but your regional public school district may well have access to concurrent training in various trades for high school students.   

Plus, if the woman lives in an area with a history of unionizing, there are very likely trade unions or trade halls that offer paid training in skilled trades.   We are so short on skilled trades in Michigan that the local combined services hall that does training in HVAC, steamfitter/pipefitter, plumbing, and welders offers free apprenticeship classes combined with a $24,000 a year stipend.  Apprentices take classes in the morning and work for local contractors in the afternoons and so have ready-made connections for a job after they've become journeymen.

There's really no need to reinvent the wheel while dealing with a major loss.  

[00:10:27]  I've, you know , I've brought in some guys who do apprenticeships.  I've let my..... a couple of my sons go out and do apprenticeships with really good older and trustworthy men and you know it's to provide them some of the skills that I might not have been able to give them.  It's been good for them and it was a good experience.  They weren't very long periods of time. Maybe just a few months and then and then back home again.  Maybe a couple of years and then back home again but it's it's uh it's something that can really help.

I'm fascinated about the idea of sending a young man to do an internship with Botkin.   What exactly would he learn?   How to write bizarre blog articles about British politics?  How to use the more popular writings of your daughters to keep the family finances afloat?   

There's a weirdly long pause as Botkin tries to remember his kids going on apprenticeships. Yet, Noah or Lucas had to have learned CNC methods from someone.  Presumably Ben got some guidance in composition from someone.  But both of those apprenticeships - if they happened - were ones where Geoffrey Botkin wasn't the central focus so it's all a blur for him.

 How long is the apprenticeship?  A few months is very different from a few years.  Is this some kind of weird open-ended contract?  "Your son will remain in my home until I feel he has correctly articulated how to start, undermine and lose a media station.  This process could take anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 years.  Please bring your own camera, computer, appropriate clothing and a 3 month supply of weaponry."

The important thing, though, is that your kid comes home again.  No one is allowed to separate from the home commune.   Even if you get a few years of freedom - you must come home!   

My two-cents: If the LW has not done so, get her kids enrolled in a public school this spring when they reopen.  If her husband makes it through COVID, the kids can go back to homeschooling.  If he dies, at least the kids won't be dealing with entering a new school while grieving.   

I know of where I speak; the most common cause for my former homeschooled students to end up in my classroom was the death of their mother.   It's so terribly hard to reacclimate to a traditional school while grieving; enrolling the kids in school as soon as it is safe would at least mitigate that stressor.

Good luck - and don't ask Botkin for advice.