Preparing to Be a Help Meet: Three Types of Women - Part Three

Debi moves on to Priestly/Steady/Servant women.

My daughter who wrote the Teacher's Guide for this book is a Servant, similar to a Priest type.  From the time she was a small child, she "mothered" her little sister.  She always enjoyed caring for the elderly.  She was a wonderful young daughter, helping me do anything around the house.

That sounds like a miserable childhood, actually.  The daughter, who she never bothers to name in the chapter, is her second daughter Shiloh.

She is a peacemaker, kind, and considerate. 

People never cease to amaze me.  Sometimes the apple falls far away from the tree.

Because she was known for being such a sweetheart, she had 27 different offers for marriage.  My other girls had no such track record...not even close.

That's a creepy thing a parent to brag about.  The creepy aspect increases when Debi compares Shiloh's number of suitors to Shoshonna and Rebekah.  

I wonder if Shiloh would have preferred any of the other 26 men to the man she married.

Men are not intimidated by a female with a kind Servant's heart.

*Psst*

Hey, Debi.  Let me let you in on a secret.  Many men like assertive women.  Most men are not intimidated by an assertive woman - and why marry someone who is intimidated by a personality characteristic?

 It is so feminine, very different from males. 

My husband walked in on one of our male milkers feeding a batch of orphaned kittens.  The milkers had set up a feeding schedule for the litter and would carefully wash and pet them so the kittens would get physical contact like the mom would have given.  Clearly, our milkers are actually female.  (I think I'm gonna keep that information to myself.)

It is important for a Servant to not become a pitiful, little-brown-bird-person.  Maintain your individuality and develop your gifts.  Always keep in mind that it is good to be an Encourager, but not an Enabler.  An Encourager helps people better themselves.  An Enabler does things for people that they should be doing for themselves, healing their self-inflicted wounds and sympathizing with their poor vices to the point that they are enabled to continue their negative behavior without facing the consequences or assuming responsibility for change.  This simple concept could be key in your life.

*Gapes in shock*

Debi, that's freaking awesome advice! If you had followed this theme throughout the book instead of explaining how to be an Enabler with real-life examples, your book would be so much better.

Girls that are of the Servant type tend to become Hidden Flowers if they don't stay focused on serving the greatest number.  Keep looking for a vision.  Get a purpose in life that is bigger than you, homeschooling and even family.  Prayer will be an important part of your ministry.

The only problem with this is that the ONLY example of a bigger picture in life Debi gives is in some kind of "ministry".  No secular work outside the home, no advanced education, no volunteer work for secular or government entities is ever mentioned.  

An example of a Priestly/Servant type of man found in Scripture is, of course Jesus.

Debi, you defined the Priestly type as being in the image of Jesus.  You can't whip Jesus out as an example because he's the basis for the explanation.

The Apostle John must have been a Priestly type also.  A female example would be Ruth who faithfully served her mother-in-law.

I'd like a little more information on how these two are Servant-types, but that's not going to happen.

This section got me to thinking: How did things work out for Shiloh of the 27 marriage proposals?  Well, here's her story of a "funny" moment at her wedding in the Teacher Guide of Preparing:

My funniest moment came when I had only been married for about 30 minutes.  My Prince Charming and I were cutting our wedding cake together.  He sweetly fed me a bite of cake. Then, beaming, I picked up some cake to put in his mouth.  You need to understand that he is not one for old traditions!  Instead of closing his mouth like a normal, polite guy, he blew that big mouthful of cake out all over me.  I had cake all over my dress, hair and face.  The ladies watching gasped in horror, but the men burst into laughter.  My new husband and I both started laughing as we rubbed cake off my hair.  This might make you say, "How dare he?" but when we are 70 we will tell our grandkids and we will still be laughing.  I am laughing as I write.  You have to know my man to really appreciate just how funny it was.

Shiloh, you may be laughing, but I'm not. 

 I know you grew up with Michael and Debi Pearl for your parents so you've been exposed to hurtful behavior chronically and have lost your perspective on normal, funny behaviors.  

Spraying cake all over your beautiful wedding dress isn't funny or normal. At best, it's impulsive and destructive.  At worst, it's insulting and degrading.  I hope you can see that one day.

AntiPearl: Show respect to all people, but grovel to none.

Tecumseh

Preparing to Be a Help Meet: Three Types of Women - Part 2

Debi spends a few pages helping us poor women understand our types.

That introduces another question:"Well, if women are created in the image of man, and man comes in three types, are women created in different types?"
We are...sorta. Since we are females, I like to call us a more feminine version of Prophet, Priest and King.  I'll call us girls Dreamers, Servants and Go-to Gals.  

At this point, Debi introduces a chart to help readers keep track of all of the different names.  From a pedagogical standpoint, if you need a chart for readers to keep up with a personality system, your system is way too complicated.

I'm a Dreamer, similar to the Prophet type.  A female's type is not as predominant as a man's.  Remember, man was created in God's image and we in man's image, so we are one step removed from the original, which, thankfully, tempers our extremes. 

What a strange little heresy.  Debi's  invested in separating women from God - even though Genesis 1:27 contradicts her entire premise.

 Are you a Dreamer?  Do you like to create, sew, design, paint or write? 

I like to create new microscope slides of plants.  Does that count?  

 The little three-year-old girls that love to dress up like ballerinas or princesses are the Dreamers. 

Quick!  Find someone who remembers what you liked to do when you were a three year-old.  If you can't find that person, you're screwed.

 If you are a Dreamer, then you need to keep your head out of the clouds while dancing your way into your vision of the future.  Don't get involved in projects that take you away from your responsibility to honor your husband.

What does that last sentence mean? Is Debi talking to married women or unmarried women?  If you aren't married, how are you supposed to guess which projects will be useful to your future spouse?  

To use an example from the CP/QF world, Genevieve Smith married Pete de Deugd.  Genevieve's family was involved in webpage design; Pete runs a woodworking and metal shop.  In her words, she had a lot to learn.

Genevieve probably should have spent her youthful years learning how to use power tools, welding and electrical engineering.  Instead, she learned how to make webpages.  What on Earth were her parents thinking!  I mean, obviously, they should have been training her in advanced welding to help her future husband.

Geez.

I mean, my parents taught me how to milk cows, deliver calves AND care for poultry while living in the city since my future husband was a farmer....oh, wait....no.  

My parents made sure I had a good education, access to a college education and the freedom to follow MY interests.  Plus, I got to pick my own husband which we all agree was a good choice.

 Spend your youth honing your gifts and developing skills.  Someday, if you honor your man, your gifts will greatly benefit your marriage. 

The two biggest assets that I have brought to the farm when I married: interpersonal management skills that I learned in years of working outside of the home and the Biology/Chemistry knowledge that I learned in my college education.  I doubt Debi would recommend either in her book - but both have been extremely helpful in learning about the farm and giving advice on some management techniques.

So, yeah.  Just follow your instincts, ladies.  Ignore Debi.  I've never followed any of her advice and my life is pretty good.

 Girls that are Dreamers have a tendency to become Antsy Girls when things don't seem to be happening as fast as we think they should.

Um....'k.  That's a random term that we've never heard before in the book.

An example of a Prophet in Scripture would be Elijah.  Remember that he is the man who called down fire from heaven.

Yup.  That's ALL that matters about Elijah.  No real importance to the Jewish or Christian religions - but he RAINS FIRE!

I question if Debi has read her Bible because she's making a lot of stupid mistakes in this section.

  Most, though not all, Old Testament prophets are Prophets in nature.

Yes, because you defined the Prophet-type as Prophet-like.  Logic.  Please study it.  These sentences are killing me.  

  It is not as easy to identify the female of the Prophet/Visionary/Dreamer, no doubt due in part to the fact that there are fewer women featured in the Bible.  There are several obviously negative examples of the Prophet-natured woman.  The most prominent is Delilah.  Her story is found in Judges 16.  She was the object of Samson's tender feelings, as well as his uncontrolled lust.  The story of Delilah is that of a wicked woman of Samson's strength.  When he repeatedly refused to reveal his secret, she put on her acting charm.  She wept, brokenhearted, blaming him for not trusting her with the secrets of his heart and therefore not loving her.  It worked.  He was deceived into telling her his secret lay in a covenant he had with God, the sign of which was his long hair.   At the first opportunity she sheared his head, leaving him powerless.  He paid with his eye-sight and then his life.  

I'm amazed how Debi makes this Delilah's fault.  Samson tells Delilah three separate lies about what would make him weak.  Delilah immediately tries each of the three things on Samson.  It doesn't take a genius to realize when Samson tells Delilah that shaving his head would make him weak that she shaves his head.  

Minor quibble: Samson did pay with his eye-sight.  His death was his choice.  He asked God to give him his strength back so he could pull down the building he was in and kill a bunch of people and asked to die with them.  Easy-peasy to see if you've READ the Bible.

Sorry for all you Dreamers for the negative example.  I can think of some really cool ladies who are Dreamers, which includes me, of course.

I hope most Dreamer women have better lives than Debi does.

AntiPearl:Follow your dreams. Just make sure to have fun too.

Chris Brown

Preparing to Be a Help Meet: Three Types of Women - Part One

Sorry for the absence, folks!  I started a graduate school program and had a few action packed weeks.    

Debi's about to launch into some truly unique theology today - and she leads off by forgetting to cite the Bible.  Yay for editoral prowess!

When God saw how lonesome poor old Adam was, he said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make a help meet for him." [Ed. Note: Genesis 2:18] All females agree with God that it is not good for those wonderful eligible men to be alone!  Some men are slower to come to see their need for us tender sweeties than others, but most all men finally come to a place where they are genuinely lonely and want a mate.

Debi loves painting with a broad brush.  According to her, every single woman in the world wants to be married.  Oops.  Married to a MAN.  Almost every man wants to be married - presumably to a woman.

Apparently, Debi can't imagine being attracted to someone of the same gender.  (Or prefers to hide her blatant homophobia until her audience reads "Created to Be a Help Meet".  After all, you can handle these things once you've been married for a while.)

After observing all the animals in pairs and naming them (e.g., "Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe"), Adam came to understand the need he felt.  Only then did God wake him up to his new bride. The Bible records how the first couple found each other.

"Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe" is so sickly-sweet that I want to barf.

It was a marriage made in a garden. "And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh: She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man" (Genesis 2:23) (sic)

Odd editing mistake: The Bible quote from Genesis is actually Genesis 2:21-23.

From this passage we can see that woman was made from the man's body...in man's image.  A woman reflects the man from which she was derived.  She was made from him and for him.  Eve (and by extension, every woman) was created to fulfill a need in the man.  He needed a helper who could meet his needs. So -- a help meet, that is, a helper suited (meet) to his needs.  Her body, soul, mind and emotions were created to be a blessing and help to Adam.

Genesis 2:21-23 is pretty clear.  GOD knocks out Adam, whips out a rib, and builds a woman.  GOD is the actor - not Adam.  God made woman in the image of God exactly as God made man in the image of God.

Genesis 1:27 is even more clear - even in KJV.

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them"  

Both men and women are in the image of God.  Woman is not a reflection of man or even built solely for man.

The reason a good portion of your thoughts are wrapped up in thinking about certain men and the hopes of marriage is because you were hard-wired with the overwhelming need to be a wife and mother.  It is a God-given need that only a man can fulfill. 

Or because you aren't allowed to have any life of your own until you marry.  I think that would make me daydream about marriage constantly if I was trapped at home.

 I can't think of one thing I would rather have than a man to really love me.  It is supreme.  A lovely person is easy to love.

What an odd series of sentences.  Notice Debi CAN'T say "Michael loves me.  I love being loved by Michael.  Because I am a lovely person, I am easy to love."

No, Debi slides into an emotional defense mechanism because, on some level, Debi knows Michael doesn't love her.  He can't love anyone.

  That is our goal.  God wants to make you become a lovely help meet.  To be a good one takes effort....lots of effort.

Being a good spouse or partner IS hard. Being in a long-term, serious, committed relationship takes work to maintain closeness. What Debi ignores - or glosses over - is that her patented method of having women submit mindlessly to their husband isn't the makings of a healthy marriage.  No, Debi's plan will actively drive couples apart.

AntiPearl: Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.

Franz Schubert