Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Preparing to Be a Help Meet Blog: Wedding Music Angst!

Learning to judge people is a skill that must be refined over time.  Here's a question that lets the girls practice sharpening their nails - or not.

(All spelling is from the original.)

I’m a born again Christian and the Lord has really been busy with me this year. I really desire to follow Him and be obedient to Him.
I am a bit confused about something and I wonder if some of you ladies could help and give me your opinions and maybe some scripture to back up?
A few years ago, I promised my (worldy) friend that I would sing at her wedding. She loves that song by Shania Twain (You’re still the one) and she wanted me to sing that if she ever got married one day. At the time when she asked me, I kind of agreed to it, but not definitely. I also didn’t know who her future husband would be. I was still immature and we were both still at school. Im 23 years of age now by the way.
Anyway, she is now getting married. She is not saved and has been living with her boyfriend for over a year now. I am sure that they have been sleeping together (although she hasn’t told me directly; she has only said that they sleep in the same bed and shower together, which is already way overboard!! and ungodly and they should never have been staying together!!)

Nothing good ever comes of using euphemisms for sex.  Clearly, if she said she is sleeping in the same bed, they are sleeping together in the same bed.

Now, in the absence of other details, sleeping in the same bed doesn't necessarily mean they are having sex.

On the flip side,  I'd be pretty comfortable hazarding a guess that a couple who showers together is probably either having sex or is being careful after cooking meth.  (Guess which I find less problematic?)

I didn’t approve of their relationship from the beginning, but I am glad that they are now getting married. They are both ungodly and hopefully this will draw them closer to the Lord and bring about their salvation.
Now she wants me to sing that song “You’re still the one” at their wedding. Please google the lyrics. I don’t really feel comfortable, but am unsure. I made her a promise?? Am i still obliged to keep it, against my convictions??
The reason I feel a bit uncomfortable, is basically because the song is speaking about the fact that they are still together after all these years etc etc… But fact is, I havn’t approved of their ungodly relationship and the way that they have done things. So how can I sing that song about them?
What do you ladies think?? What would you do in the situation?? Thanks, Talitha

At this point, I could care less what choice Talitha makes.  I'm more concerned that she can't make up her mind to either:
1) Sing a song at a wedding she is glad is happening  OR
2) Politely decline due to some vaguely worded illness.

Here are some choice responses:

A1: I think that as long as they are still getting married. My Mom and Dad are still together which is a huge miracle. (my mom got pregnant with me at 17 yrs.) But also if it goes agianst your conciense then mabye you shouldn’t sing it. Always listen to that voice inside of you that is usually God speaking. You could ask her if you could sing a different song.

So, ask for a different song and sing...unless God doesn't want you to. 

A2:You said she hasn’t told you directly that she is sleeping with her boyfriend. If they are living together, sleeping in the same bed, and showering together, they are sleeping together. No, I don’t think you are obliged to keep your promise. If you feel uncomfortable now about potentially singing this song for her, you are going to be feeling much worse actually singing it at her wedding. If your inner alarm bell is going off, I think that is a pretty good sign that you shouldn’t do it. Ask yourself this question: Would you have regrets if you did sing for her? If you decide not to sing, pray for the right words to say to her to explain why you won’t sing for her wedding. If she doesn’t like what she is hearing from you, she is just going to have to deal with it. She can’t make you do it; and if she tries to guilt you into doing it, stick to your convictions. I hope this helps you.

Use this occasion to pound your convictions into the bride!  Be clear that the fact that they are 'sleeping' together is the only reason you won't sing for them.  Remember, Jesus is all about the public shaming!

A3:It is funny that you ask that question. My sister just got married last fall. My mother asked me to arrange some flowers for the alter. Thinking about arranging the flowers for her wedding I immediatly said yes. Later I thought about it and realized where the flowers were going — on an alter in a catholic church! I didn’t know what to do, I had all ready commited and no-one else was able to do it. I had planned to attend the ceremony (her being my sister) but not the service. I did end up arranging the flowers. I did feel a little uneasy, but it was for my sister’s wedding. Out side of arranging the flowers I did not partake in the wedding at all, just attended. There is not really anything wrong with flowers, is there anything wrong with the song? However, like I said, it was where the flowers were going that made me uneasy. Where is the wedding taking place? Could you sing it at the reception instead of the ceremony?

Have you thought about the fact they could be getting married in another denomination!  Have you thought about that!!  I mean, I totes freaked because my flowers were going to end up in a Catholic Church, but sucked it up because it was my sister. 

(I am really confused by the last comment.  You can't plop flowers on the altar in a Catholic church.  You could put them in front of the altar.  Some couples place some flowers in front of a statue of Mary; I can see why that might freak the sister out.  I don't know how she was going to the ceremony but not the service, either.  I guess she could have stayed from the beginning to the end of the vows and high-tailed it out before the rest of the Mass but that would be very tacky unless she was sitting in a back corner - and sitting the sister of the bride in a back corner is tacky, too.  Sigh.)


  1. Wow just wow. These people are so judgemental, I don't like my sister's husband. So I don't go around him or talk to him, this is because he abused her. What is the big deal about a Catholic church at least it is a church.

    I have read all of your post about the Pearls, I enjoyed them. This woman talks out of both sides of her mouth. And I'm sorry there is no way she knows so many "holy and righteous" women. If so I feel sorry for them, it is no way to live. She lives a delusional life and her husband is an uneducated bigoted idiot.

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