Preparing Sons: Chapter Seven - Part Four

We are in the home stretch for the "Really Long List of Normal Activities that Steve Maxwell Thinks Lead to Evil"!  So far, we've covered movies, television, professional sports, and recreational sports.  In this last section we learn the horrors of hunting, recreational vehicles, food, and gambling.

After that, Steven deigns to share with us the kinds of fun that are allowed.  In my opinion, that's when the horrors truly begin!

Steven struggles mightily to come up with coherent reasons why hunting and fishing are bad for people to do.  My hunch is that Steven Maxwell has picked up a generalized disdain for hunting and fishing because they are activities that can be connected to rural areas and lower income brackets - but that's not a reason that sounds particularly moral.  Instead, he punts:

What could be wrong with hunting, fishing, and other similar activities? There are definitely no beer commercials to see while you are out enjoying God's beautiful creation.

Kevin spent all of his extra money and free time hunting, fishing, or working with his gear. It was his passion. His wife didn't go with him because she had her own interests. Kevin is a good example of an appetite turned passion. Could that happen to anyone? Yes, but only God knows who. There is nothing inherently wrong with these type of outdoor sports -- unless they take a dad away from this family. (pg. 97)

Oddly enough, he gets close to my only concern about hunting or fishing but glances off it.  People who are hunting or fishing from a boat need to be careful about the amount of alcohol they imbibe while engaging in potentially lethal activities.  Honestly, I don't mind gatherings where a group of guys get together every year for a drinking weekend that's labeled "Opening of Deer Season", but no one in the group has ever killed a deer because the guns stay in the car. 

For people who genuinely like hunting, there are a lot of personal and communal benefits.  Michigan is overrun with white-tailed deer.   Deer thrive in border habitats that humans create so we now have more deer in the state than existed prior to European settlement.  They love eating young fruit trees and snacking on people's gardens.  The deer discovered the students' sustainable agriculture plots last year; in a hilarious turn-about, the deer refused to eat the lettuce in the plots.  Instead, the deer stood on the lettuce and munched on the other veggies.   More seriously, car accidents involving deer can be lethal if the deer goes through the windshield of the car or the driver swerves and loses control of the car.  In fact, the state government puts up signs every year that remind us "Fall is here/ Don't swerve for deer."  I'd much prefer Bambi to be providing meat to a local family through the winter than diving in front of my car.

I don't subscribe to the belief that married couples have to do everything together.  My parents have been married 40 years through some really hard times - but I doubt their marriage would have survived if Mom had felt obligated to go train-watching with Dad and Dad felt obligated to quilt with Mom.  Likewise, my husband is fond of superhero movies - and I encourage him to go without me just as he's not into swimming or water aerobics.

Next up: Steven Maxwell reminds us that recreational vehicles are about as addictive as crack!

Dollars, dollars, and more dollars. If boats can be viewed as a hole in the water that you pour money into, then an airplane is like trying to wallpaper the sky with dollar bills. The older man gets, the more expensive his toys.

If an appetite for recreational or sports vehicles is cultivated, a man will never earn enough money. His joy will always be limited by the size of his income and his relationship with the bank's loan officer. What is the cure? Treat motorcycles, jet skis, ski boats, sailboats, airplanes, and campers is though you were handling nitroglycerin. (pg. 98)

Yeah, the road to hell is paved by a $7,000 dollar 5th wheel camper that sleeps 7.  *rolls eyes*  

I don't know which annoys me more - the hypocrisy or the willful ignorance. 

Let's start with the stupidity.  In Michigan, plenty of people have a boat that they use as part of a full-time or part-time charter fishing business.  It's not my cup of tea - but I went to school with several families who had a father who ran charter fishing trips.  As small businesses go, it's not a bad gig if you can captain a boat and are good with people.  For CP/QF families, the father would be home every night and possibly off during late fall through spring.    Most of Michigan has enough road access that we don't need bush pilots - but depending on where a family lives a small plane could act as the basis for a small business.  Now, I don't think the Maxwells have ever lived in snow country before - but Maxwell completely overlooked snowmobiles.  Acting as a guide in some of the more remote areas of Michigan for snowmobiler trips makes decent money, too - and often overlaps with a business as a hunting guide during the fall months. 

Now - hypocrisy.  Meet Uriah - the Maxwell family tour bus converted into a terrifying pseudo-bunkhouse drivable camper complete with a refrigerator bungee-corded shut.  Uriah includes most of the furniture in a normal home arranged in ways that will collapse onto the occupants of Uriah in case of an accident.  I don't know which is my favorite death-trap feature of Uriah. Is it the two couches and four recliners that offer no restraint or protection for occupants?  Is it the four framed bunk beds that will behave like flying shrapnel in a rear-end accident?  No, my favorite is the full-sized refrigerator with a microwave stacked on top will become a few hundred pounds of flying metal that will kill or maim anyone sitting in front of them. 

Believe me; I would seriously prefer to save up a few thousand dollars for a used fifth wheel rather than risk the lives of my family in Uriah.

Next up - Steven Maxwell lets us know about the evils of overeating...and why basic health class is important.

Ouch. This one hits really close to home. My appetite for food was cultivated when my parents were divorcing, and I turned to food for comfort. As an adult, I was able to mask my appetite by exercising. Unfortunately, with age, as my metabolism has slowed and my knees no longer allow me to run, the calories accumulate around my waist. This is simply an outward evidence of an inward appetite.

My excess appetite has reproduced itself and several of my children, and all of them will likely struggle with it. The appetites of the parents will affect their children.

Think of all the ways that an excessive appetite for eating will negatively affect your children as they grow. It will cause them to want to spend their money on worthless treats that will harm their teeth. It will result in poor health and, over the years, will increase medical spending. Spending will also rise because of eating out more often. Then there is the need to keep growing one's wardrobe. There are more consequences, but even these few examples make it clear that an excessive appetite for food will affect the ability to provide for his family. (pg. 99)

The first paragraph is surreal.  Steven Maxwell blames his overeating on his parents' divorce.  I've heard a lot of  overwrought horror stories about the bad things that can happen to kids if their parents divorce, but this is the first time I've heard "Your kid might get fat".   At least the first bit matches up thematically with the fact that overeating without a lot of exercise leads to weight gain.  Those two sections are a bit disjointed, but it kind of works.   The problem is that the second sentence throws everything out of whack.  If Steven Maxwell was exercising a lot, then he needed to eat a lot of calories to keep from losing weight.  Does it make sense for Maxwell to have eaten less and given up exercise if running was something he liked to do?  In one of the books - and I've forgotten which - he mentions that he trained for a marathon after he and Teri were married.  That's an impressive amount of running!    Based on their family blog, his kids are really into running and home-based Cross-Fit-like weight training which seems to me like a harmless way to burn off energy. 

Let's all be grateful for a few minutes that Mr. Maxwell refrained from telling us in great detail which of his kids he thinks are pudgy. 

I've never met anyone who went into debt because of a junk food habit.  Junk food is quite cheap; that's one of the reasons that kids who live in high-poverty areas tend to eat more junk food than kids in lower-poverty areas.  Parents who can't afford the newest toys, clothes, classes, sports gear and camps can afford to buy their kid a pop or candy bar.  Parents do not like having to say "no" to every request of their kid so junk food is one of the few rewards or "splurges" available to those families.  That's one of the reasons I get irritated as hell when busy-bodies start whining about how people can buy dessert foods using food stamps. 

The last vignette is about how insanely judgemental Steven Maxwell is when doing random chores like paying for gasoline.

One time, while I was getting gas, the clerk and the customer in front of me were discussing which local casino was their favorite. I couldn't believe it. Here was the gas station clerk, who would have been fortunate to be making $8 an hour, wasting her money gambling. My heart was so heavy I could have wept. (pg. 100)

With a bit of luck, Maxwell was so busy choking back his tears that he was unable to do his usual hackneyed conversion attempt on the clerk. 

I can't imagine that the cashier's occasional visit to the local casino was more of a drain on her household than Maxwell's taste for flying private planes.  I suspect the casino trips were more affordable than the costs of badly retrofitting a tour bus in order to rent one hotel room instead of two during the family's conference attendances.   I've got a sneaking suspicion that the clerk had fewer than eight children and may well have been a member of a two-or-more income household.   

It's not so much that Maxwell is bad with money per se.  He makes the mistake of assuming that everyone shares the same priorities as he does.

After pages and pages of terrible life choices, Steven Maxwell shares with us an example of the fun we can have if we follow his ideas about life:

After Sid became a Christian, he was encouraged to go soul winning with a friend. He found it a joy that soon became part of his life. Through the years he continue to share Christ at every God-given opportunity, and it became a passion for him. At work Sid was a diligent worker and did not take company time to share his faith. However, he would gladly use his break time to share Jesus Christ when a door was opened. Most other Christians at work considered Sid a radical, because he was fearless. I remember the time he gave an impeccable presentation to a customer, all the while wearing his favorite "Jesus" tie. Sid had a passion for sharing Christ. (pg. 101-102)

Oh, boy.  I'm glad that Sid didn't commit time fraud to convert co-workers and clients on the clock, I guess.   What I really would enjoy, though, is a description of Sid from the point of view of one of his co-workers.   For conversion attempts to be fair, the other person needs to be able to tell you exactly what they think of you without any fear of major repercussions.  That's not going to happen in a company break-room.   How did Sid's career go after waylaying coworkers at break and sending mixed messages to clients?   

I can see why Maxwell likes Sid.  The Maxwells are fond of figuring out methods to begin conversion attempts that create unequal power dynamics.  Steven talks a lot about attempting to convert captive audiences like cashiers or wait staff - people who can't tell off a customer.  The Maxwells set up a booth without visible symbols of Christianity at fairs and festivals to offer free balloon animals and face painting to kids - at which point the conversion attempts begin on the kids and their families. 

I find cold-call conversion attempts deeply annoying - but I have a grudging respect for people who do it openly and in the face of repeated rejection.   Doing it through covert means is childish and cowardly by comparison.

The last quote is discussing Steven Maxwell's sons' response to preaching and playing music at a local men's shelter once a month:

One Sunday afternoon during the preaching, Joseph, who was 10 years old, leaned over to me and said, "Dad, I'm having the best time of my life." John, who is two years younger than Joseph, says that the second Saturday is his most favorite day of the whole month. Do you want to know what I want to create in my sons? I want them to have a passion for sharing Christ and spending time together and beneficial activities. (pg. 102)

I want my son to develop a strong ethos of helping others.  I want him to understand the value and enjoyment of hard work and of knowing that he's made the world a better place.   This is a part of who we are as a family and integral to our worldview. 

If my son thinks the most fun he's ever had is preaching at the local men's shelter, though, I've done something badly wrong. 

We help others because it is the right thing to do.  Often, we'll get a sense of joy or satisfaction for a job well done - but sometimes we'll feel exhausted, helpless or overwhelmed at the sheer amount of work that needs to be done in the world.

That's when good self-care comes in.  I want my son to enjoy a visit to the local amusement park and play ghost-in-the-graveyard with his cousins and neighbors.  I want him to stay up way-too-late with a school friend trying to beat a level of a video game or reading a book.   I want him to build kites or planes or forts.  I want him to get skinned knees from trying acrobatic tricks on his bicycle. 

I want my son to experience fun as a child so that as an adult he'll recognize which activities restore him when he needs a break. 

I think the main difference between Steven Maxwell's universe and mine is that I know what it takes to work for long periods of time among people who need help.  Maxwell is training his sons to work for short periods around people who are different, but the kids always retreat back to the safety of the Maxwell enclave long before they are exposed to anything that would jar their worldview. 

I want my son to live fully so I know that he will move out of the safety of our family into a wonderful, chaotic and crazy world.  I'm raising him to be ready for whatever comes his way - be it easy or be it hard.