I've enjoyed large family gatherings from both my family and my husband's family, but since my son was born we've found it easier to stick to small family holidays. My husband and I have stronger emotions this time of year around our son's birth, NICU stay and first year so we celebrated with our families of origin before Thanksgiving and just as our little family unit on Thanksgiving.
My son and I celebrated Black Friday by going to an indoor playscape at a local mall followed by lunch at the food court while my husband was working on fixing a condenser unit at a farm. We had a blast. Spawn was clambering all over small climbing obstacles while watching the kids who could walk, run or jump like they had superpowers. He got so excited when I bought a slice of pizza to split that he made an elderly woman laugh as she watched him try to grab the pizza while I strapped him into a high chair.
I found myself laughing over the CP/QF stay-at-home daughter movement assumption that college makes you incapable of running a home. In the last five days, I've dehydrated 24 pounds of potatoes as hash browns and slices that cost me a total of $5.97 thanks to pre-Thanksgiving sales. I wrangled a 23 pound frozen turkey that cost $5.86 and managed to defrost it. I prepped it by stuffing the cavities with chopped citrus fruits, rosemary and pepper. Because I find it fun, I placed thin orange and lemon slices under the skin. The turkey was marvelous - and I've got ~12 servings of breast meat and 24 servings of dark meats packed in broth in the freezer. Oh, and when my son fell in love with a weighted toddler shopping cart at physical therapy, I made one at home using a $3.00 toddler wheelbarrow from a thrift store, 24 pounds of dumbbells I have and a quilted blanket to keep my son from playing with the dumbbells and crushing his fingers.
But college ruined me :-P
Thankfully, we can discuss how the Maxwells have ruined conversations forever thanks to the last two dialogues in Chapter 12 of Steven and Teri Maxwell's book "Making Great Conversationalists". The first conversation is all about how much more effective the business pitches of teenage sons can be when they are well-spoken. I'll save you the teenage pitch which is for the same lawn mowing service run by the Maxwell sons. The kid explains that his bid is lower because he walks to the houses; presumably that means that the homeowners are providing the equipment and fuel which means the quote might not be as low as it seems - but I digress. The rest of the conversation is between his neighbor and the teenager:
The woman takes the flyer and says,"As a matter of fact, I have been worrying about our yard this year. My husband had a heart attack a month ago, and he has been put on limited activity. I was getting ready to call a lawn mowing service, but I was concerned about what they would charge since we are on a fixed income."
"Wow," Matthew responds. "That must have been very difficult to have your husband have a heart attack. What a blessing that he is still alive. I will pray for his complete recovery and for the needs you have while he still isn't feeling well. I would be happy to give you an estimate to see if it would work within your budget."
"Yes. Thank you. An estimate would be great. Thank you for praying, too. We need all the prayers we can get," the lady concludes. (pg 189)
"Wow," Matthew responds. "That must have been very difficult to have your husband have a heart attack. What a blessing that he is still alive. I will pray for his complete recovery and for the needs you have while he still isn't feeling well. I would be happy to give you an estimate to see if it would work within your budget."
"Yes. Thank you. An estimate would be great. Thank you for praying, too. We need all the prayers we can get," the lady concludes. (pg 189)
Let's see. We have a teenager who lives at home while being homeschooled. Presumably, he is earning money for some future goal - not an immediate need. If he was my kid, he would have know that the correct answer to "Family in medical crisis with limited income needs a skill I can do" is "Ma'am, I can mow your lawn for free if you purchase the gas. If I do a good job, I'd appreciate being able to use you as a reference for future customers." Boom. You are offering a reasonable service while explaining how the set-up benefits the budding business owner, too.
The summer my son came home from the hospital we were so busy managing his medical needs on top of having a newborn that we did not have time mow our lawn. I am extremely grateful to a local teenager who took over mowing our lawn from spring until August when I could do it again.
I hope that this is what the Maxwells would do in real life - but the book simply concentrates on how much more business a well-spoken teen can get than a hesitant one.
The next quote is about how much easier talking with your teenage daughter is when she's a good conversationalist. In the bad conversation, April's mom asks what April's doing in school and gets a non-answer. April's mom follows up by asking April if she's practicing the piano and has written a letter to her grandmother. April pretty much grunts a non-response at which point April's mom gives up. Personally, I blame April's mom for half of the bad conversation; teenagers do better with highly specific questions like "How did that project in history turn out?". I get that homeschooling mom can be very busy and lose track of who is doing what - but I found the fact that April's mom seemed lost about what April was doing unsettling. Ideally, a teenager who is being homeschooled can work independently most of the time, but the teacher of that subject still needs to be checking in at least weekly to be sure that the teen is making adequate progress and not completely lost.
After using the Maxwell's methods, April and her mom have an absolutely delightful conversation that leads to April independently realizing that she's morally required to write Grandma a letter and practice the piano. Honestly, I'd prefer the previous conversation for my kid. What I enjoyed most about this conversation is the carefully revised history of Amy Carmichael that the Maxwells use to avoid implying that women should do anything outside of their immediate family:
"I was reading a wonderful missionary biography about Amy Carmichael. She was an amazing woman of God. Did you know she has an accident and spent many years bedridden?" April replies.
"I think I remember reading that about her."
"Even when she was in bed, she ministered to the children who lived at her home, and she also did a lot of writing. I would love to have a heart for the Lord like she did."
"How do you think you would get a heart for the Lord like that, April?"
"I am sure it is by reading my Bible and then doing what it tells me to do. Amy Carmichael didn't complain about her pain and being bedridden even though she frequently prayed and asked the Lord to give her mobility until she died. I know there is a verse in Philippians that says we shouldn't complain. She probably read that verse and decided she would trust in the Lord even when it wasn't the way she wanted it to be. What do you think, Mom?" (pgs. 190-191)
"I think I remember reading that about her."
"Even when she was in bed, she ministered to the children who lived at her home, and she also did a lot of writing. I would love to have a heart for the Lord like she did."
"How do you think you would get a heart for the Lord like that, April?"
"I am sure it is by reading my Bible and then doing what it tells me to do. Amy Carmichael didn't complain about her pain and being bedridden even though she frequently prayed and asked the Lord to give her mobility until she died. I know there is a verse in Philippians that says we shouldn't complain. She probably read that verse and decided she would trust in the Lord even when it wasn't the way she wanted it to be. What do you think, Mom?" (pgs. 190-191)
The Amy Carmichael of the Maxwell's retelling is the perfect heroine for stay-at-home daughters. She is trapped in her own home, unable to leave until forces beyond her control intervene to change her life. This Amy Carmichael simply has to endure silently and happily until freedom comes.
Thankfully, the real Amy Carmichael lived a very different life. She was born into a family that valued service towards the less fortunate. Ms. Carmichael worked with poor girls who worked in mills from her late teens until her early twenties. After a few false starts due to ill health, she settled in India where she founded an orphanage and training school for poor girls involved in prostitution. She adopted Indian clothing and expected Europeans who worked at her institution to do the same. The fall that left her bedridden happened when she was 64 which means she had spent around 40 years in active service in India prior to becoming an invalid. Ms. Carmichael remained in India for the rest of her life writing and publishing books to raise funds to help poor Indian children.
Ironically, I find April and her mom's plan to "get a heart for the Lord" by reading the Bible and then applying the precepts to their lives insulting. There's nothing wrong with writing letters to Grandma or practicing the piano - but the Bible is pretty consistent that Christians are required to help the poor, the widowed, the orphaned and the strangers around them. Is it too much of a stretch for April to round up some friends and go play music at a local nursing home?
Excellent news: One post more and we are finished with this book! Yay!
Your Thanksgiving weekend sounds lovely! Glad you pointed out it´s weird for a teen living with his middle class family rent-free to be asking for money from a neighbor struggling to keep her life together because it shocked me to see them use that as a positive example for young people.
ReplyDeleteThe Maxwells often capture the strange morality of many CP families - along with some QF families. Traditional Christian morality taught that when someone was in need, Christians were obligated to help them if they could. CP families especially have a different morality where there are different tiers of "deserving people" - people in the same church are first, deserving strangers (mostly unobjectionable widows, children and especially the pre-born) are next, and there is no third group. People outside of those two groups need to either pay up to get help OR show willingness to join the church.
DeleteI watered down my original feelings on that example. I told my husband that if our son shared the same story and was writing up an estimate for anything other than $0.00, I'd give him a NCIS Gibbs-style head slap followed a long-course in Christian morality. There would be essays....and exams...and projects...because clearly nothing else had stuck.