After a few days where the temperatures never dipped below freezing, the snow has melted back far enough that I can go for walks again. When I came back from my first walk, I realized that part of why I was so agitated by being stuck at home was because it was reminding me of how trapped I felt after my son was born. I was so sick after Spawn was born that I needed a wheelchair to get around the hospital where I was staying and to navigate the unit where Spawn was at for the first week after he was born. In the second week, I could make shift to walk around my house and Spawn's unit but I needed a wheelchair to get to and from the parking ramp. I could walk slowly from a car to the unit by the third week although I usually flopped into a chair and caught my breath as soon as I could. The day before Spawn was born I walked two miles in spite of being a bit winded and having a sore hip. I was able to walk that far eight weeks after Spawn was born.
The cycle of restrictions continued after I recovered. The four months Spawn was in the hospital was fairly simple; I was pumping every few hours, but I got good at packing a pump with me. When Spawn came home, I couldn't leave the house with him alone until he had good head control. Before that, I needed one hand to hold his body, one hand to hold his head, one hand to carry his oxygen tank and oxygen monitor and one hand to open doors. This wasn't the end of the world since we were social distancing a few years before we had a term for it - but I did get sick of having to make lists of things I needed to do as soon as someone could watch Spawn at home.
We got a bit of a break the summer after he came home. He was off-oxygen for long periods of time and was robust enough that I could take him places where he wasn't going to be around children. He was also small enough that I could carry him easily and he fit well in a stroller. Now, according to Spawn, I was kidnapping him illegally outside of the house against the rules lined out by the Baby Geneva Convention. He'd glower at me whenever I looked at him in the stroller.
When winter came, we went back into isolation to avoid RSV. By the spring, Spawn was big enough that he was out of the danger zone for RSV - but he was also getting big enough that carrying him long distances was harder and harder for me. I've only really appreciated how much work that was now that Spawn is able to walk up to a mile with two handed support. I no longer have to pre-plan outings to make sure I can move him by stroller and carrying on my hip to playgrounds - and that feels awesome!
Random subject change - Geoffrey Botkin's "What if My Husband Dies?" has been heavy on the importance of a family starting a business from scratch and very, very light on the details of how to financially support a family of 5 if the only breadwinner dies. Next, he tosses out this sop of comfort that this not-yet-formed family business could be the financial savior of the family:
Yup, the listeners should totally do the math instead of Botkin! After all, we have no idea the age of the four boys, the career history of the letter writer, or the part of the country they live in. It's like a family with sons who are 14, 15, 16, and 17 born to a mom with lots of connections in a rural farming area will have the exact same outcome as a newly arrived family with sons aged 4, 3, 2 and infant in the same community.
Nevertheless, let me make a whack at it. With a family of five, the federal poverty level is $31,040. That's not going to be nearly enough for a middle-class living - but it's a number to work with.
Out where I live, many people have side businesses like raising livestock, seasonal you-pick crops, farm stands, or custom crafting. When I lived in the city, I knew a lot of people who did gig work (the city version of a side business), nannying, house cleaning or specialized in refurbishing home goods collected at a low cost.
I don't know any people with small, home-based businesses that clear $31,040 a year after expenses and taxes, though.
For one adult working 40 hours a week as an employee somewhere, the lowest wage that will work for that is $15.52.
Is the mom going to earn that her first year? That really depends on her work history. If she's got specialized trade knowledge, a client base of house cleaning, a college degree with some work history, or great connections, she might make that. If she's Botkin's idealized SAHD who married young without any advanced education....that's very unlikely.
I work a pretty basic retail job at an employer who hires lots of people with little or no work history. Thanks to the pandemic, my employer realized bargain-basement wages normalized in the South was not working for a company that is spanning the US. We got a good pay jump and I now make a whopping $13.50 per hour. I'm assuming that most people are hired in at around $13.00 per hour. Without overtime and no vacation, the mom would take home $27,040 a year - which is still more than she'd make at an imaginary home-based business.
Other ways to make the numbers work - hope a son is old enough to work part-time or use government benefits.
If she's got a son who is 16 or 17, he can find a job at most fast-food restaurants for $12-14 dollars an hour. My state has pretty strict laws on how much a kid who is still in school can work - but if he graduated from homeschooling at 16 - which a weirdly high percentage of CP/QF kids do - he could work 40+ hours a week since completing high school or a GED allows a person to circumvent the labor laws around hours.
If he's still in school, he will probably be able to work 12 hours a week. At $12.00 an hour for 50 weeks of work a year, he makes $7,200 dollars a year - which brings his family to $34,240 per year. For a family at the poverty level, that's a make or break amount of money. That's the reason I had many, many, many teenage students who were working one legal job reported to the IRS and a half-a-dozen under-the-table jobs; their income was literally critical to feeding and housing their younger siblings.
What if none of the kids are old enough to work? That's where the skimpy safety net for poverty prevention in the USA comes in. It's not enough by a long shot - but it's something that can make a difference in poor working homes.
The first one is the public school system AND its free and reduced meal program. Yeah, yeah, I know that homeschooling is the only way to raise a proper Godly(TM) child. Think of that as an aspirational goal for when you have enough income of some kind and as your kids get older and need less direct supervision. If you've got a kid aged 5 or over, you are all set. Call the nearest elementary school from your house and tell them you have a kid who needs to be enrolled in school. The secretary will set up a meeting time and tell you what to bring. A birth certificate, immunization records and something that demonstrates you live in the district like a driver's license or a utility payment will be on the list. Many districts automatically have parents apply for free or reduced lunch during the enrollment process. The income limits for getting free or reduced breakfasts and lunches are generous; in my state, the program reaches to 185% of the poverty level.
Why am I starting by putting your kids back in school first? Well, public schools are an easy way to access government services. They also provide excellent education for 6-7 hours a day while feeding your kids two meals. Accessing this form of governmental childcare with free food is a major support of families living in poverty.
While you are there, inform the secretary that your family is dealing with the recent death of your husband which is causing severe financial hardship and you need to speak to the district social worker. (Ideally, I'd prefer you put the kids in school ASAP so they've had some transition time in case your husband does die - but I'm also assuming that if you are writing Botkin for help, you are going to avoid that option until the last moment.) Every school I've worked in has had either a social worker on staff or has a social worker on call through the county. This social worker can smooth your application for other government services.
What other services? Well, that depends a lot on the makeup of your family and how many assets you have.
If you have less than $15,000 in assets, limited income and children under 18, you may qualify for Temporary Assistance to Needy Families (TANF) - also known as welfare. You'll receive a small cash payment to cover non-food essentials. You'll also be under a lot of pressure to get a job and get off of TANF. Don't blame me; I'm a gleefully tax-and-spend liberal and have been for decades. No, the same politicians who are pro-life are also extremely pro-work - to the point that one serious worry of Sen. Romney's (a Republican from Utah) proposed monthly payment to families of children is that the payment might cause single mothers to work fewer hours. You know - single mothers like a widowed former homeschooling mom with four kids. God forbid they spend some time at home.
Why am I starting by putting your kids back in school first? Well, public schools are an easy way to access government services. They also provide excellent education for 6-7 hours a day while feeding your kids two meals. Accessing this form of governmental childcare with free food is a major support of families living in poverty.
While you are there, inform the secretary that your family is dealing with the recent death of your husband which is causing severe financial hardship and you need to speak to the district social worker. (Ideally, I'd prefer you put the kids in school ASAP so they've had some transition time in case your husband does die - but I'm also assuming that if you are writing Botkin for help, you are going to avoid that option until the last moment.) Every school I've worked in has had either a social worker on staff or has a social worker on call through the county. This social worker can smooth your application for other government services.
What other services? Well, that depends a lot on the makeup of your family and how many assets you have.
If you have less than $15,000 in assets, limited income and children under 18, you may qualify for Temporary Assistance to Needy Families (TANF) - also known as welfare. You'll receive a small cash payment to cover non-food essentials. You'll also be under a lot of pressure to get a job and get off of TANF. Don't blame me; I'm a gleefully tax-and-spend liberal and have been for decades. No, the same politicians who are pro-life are also extremely pro-work - to the point that one serious worry of Sen. Romney's (a Republican from Utah) proposed monthly payment to families of children is that the payment might cause single mothers to work fewer hours. You know - single mothers like a widowed former homeschooling mom with four kids. God forbid they spend some time at home.
If you have less than $15,000 in assets - but your home is excluded if it is your primary residence - and meet income requirements, you'll receive Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Payments - known as food stamps or SNAP. You receive around $1 per meal per day per person - but scale tends to work in the favor of larger families rather than single adults. For example, I attempted to live on $86 dollars per months of food items for half a year when I was a single adult to raise awareness about our crap-tastic benefits. I did it - but my meals were very monotonous because I had to make the same bulk buys stretch. For a family of five, the benefit would be around $430 dollars - and the mom would have ten meals per kid covered by school lunches. My $86 dollars had to cover 90 meals or $0.96 cents a meal. For the LW's family, the $430 dollars would need to cover $400 meals which is $1.08 per person per meal - which means a food budget of $5.40 per meal.
If you have a kid under five, you will qualify for the Women, Infant and Children's Supplemental Nutrition program known as WIC. I'm very fond of WIC. We've qualified for WIC since Spawn was born because he's covered by Medicaid since he's got some fantastic medical diagnoses and enrollment in Medicaid automatically qualifies a child, pregnant woman, or postpartum woman for WIC. WIC covered all of Spawn's expensive pre-digested formula as a baby and nutritional high-calorie drinks as a tot. That was around $100 - $150 dollars in food for him per month covered. On top of that, some counties allow children to receive formula and food at the same time - especially after age 2 if they have special needs. We receive around $125 dollars in healthy foods each month for Spawn. What does that look like? There are booklets that describe what brands and sizes of food you can get but here's what we get in an average month: 3 gallons of 2% milk, 2 18oz boxes of Cheerios, a pound of mild cheddar, two pounds of whole-wheat spaghetti, 2 64oz bottles of juice, four cans of beans (or one jar of peanut butter), a dozen eggs and $9.00 worth of frozen veggies - which is around 9 4 serving bags. It's a huge amount of food for our one, slightly-built child - and would make SNAP stretch even farther.
You'll qualify for CHIP - free or very-low cost health insurance for your kids - and Medicaid or highly subsidized marketplace health insurance for you. The hardest part for some people is finding doctors who take it; where I live, that's not so hard because the local Catholic hospital system takes all Medicaid options. My doctor is in that system; my family started at a practice that helped an area with very high poverty and homeless rates because the practice was taking clients when they moved. We've stayed because the staff is caring and highly competent. When I've had private insurance, I go there because I know the higher reimbursement rates will help subsidize care for others; when I was on Medicaid, I had the exact same excellent medical care as I got in private insurance.
I digress.
Are there other benefits out there? Yup - but a lot of the benefits are scattered and patchy so that's why I'm trying to attach you to a school social worker who can get your family into the Medicaid/CHIP program ASAP. In that program, you'll be assigned a government social worker who can help navigate that system.
Look, I know you've been told that putting your kids in public school, working outside the home, and depending on the government for welfare is a sign of being an anti-Christian communist who hates babies.
You've been lied to. Sorry - there's no easy way to say what is true - Botkin and his buddies have been selling lies to other people to put off actually working for their own living.
Most Christian kids go to public schools - and plenty of them "keep the faith".
Most moms work part or full-time outside of the home - and their kids do fine.
Many, many, many people need government benefits for some period of their lives. That's why they are there - to support you and your family in a time of extensive need. It's not a sign of weakness; it's a sign that life is fucking shitty from time to time and no one can do it all alone.
If you have a kid under five, you will qualify for the Women, Infant and Children's Supplemental Nutrition program known as WIC. I'm very fond of WIC. We've qualified for WIC since Spawn was born because he's covered by Medicaid since he's got some fantastic medical diagnoses and enrollment in Medicaid automatically qualifies a child, pregnant woman, or postpartum woman for WIC. WIC covered all of Spawn's expensive pre-digested formula as a baby and nutritional high-calorie drinks as a tot. That was around $100 - $150 dollars in food for him per month covered. On top of that, some counties allow children to receive formula and food at the same time - especially after age 2 if they have special needs. We receive around $125 dollars in healthy foods each month for Spawn. What does that look like? There are booklets that describe what brands and sizes of food you can get but here's what we get in an average month: 3 gallons of 2% milk, 2 18oz boxes of Cheerios, a pound of mild cheddar, two pounds of whole-wheat spaghetti, 2 64oz bottles of juice, four cans of beans (or one jar of peanut butter), a dozen eggs and $9.00 worth of frozen veggies - which is around 9 4 serving bags. It's a huge amount of food for our one, slightly-built child - and would make SNAP stretch even farther.
You'll qualify for CHIP - free or very-low cost health insurance for your kids - and Medicaid or highly subsidized marketplace health insurance for you. The hardest part for some people is finding doctors who take it; where I live, that's not so hard because the local Catholic hospital system takes all Medicaid options. My doctor is in that system; my family started at a practice that helped an area with very high poverty and homeless rates because the practice was taking clients when they moved. We've stayed because the staff is caring and highly competent. When I've had private insurance, I go there because I know the higher reimbursement rates will help subsidize care for others; when I was on Medicaid, I had the exact same excellent medical care as I got in private insurance.
I digress.
Are there other benefits out there? Yup - but a lot of the benefits are scattered and patchy so that's why I'm trying to attach you to a school social worker who can get your family into the Medicaid/CHIP program ASAP. In that program, you'll be assigned a government social worker who can help navigate that system.
Look, I know you've been told that putting your kids in public school, working outside the home, and depending on the government for welfare is a sign of being an anti-Christian communist who hates babies.
You've been lied to. Sorry - there's no easy way to say what is true - Botkin and his buddies have been selling lies to other people to put off actually working for their own living.
Most Christian kids go to public schools - and plenty of them "keep the faith".
Most moms work part or full-time outside of the home - and their kids do fine.
Many, many, many people need government benefits for some period of their lives. That's why they are there - to support you and your family in a time of extensive need. It's not a sign of weakness; it's a sign that life is fucking shitty from time to time and no one can do it all alone.
Hang in there. You'll do fine in the long run - but please - don't ask Botkin for advice.
I seriously wish there was a way to get this info to her!
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking time to explain all this. It's heartbreaking to think there are ways families in crisis can get some help but they are being shamed into not taking it or being told lies about it by their theology.
ReplyDelete