ATI Wisdom Booklets: Poisonous Counseling - Part Two

This is the second post on toxic counseling techniques taught in Wisdom Booklets.  Eight of the twenty steps can be summarized as "The Wronged Person is Always Wrong".  A previous topic of "Stay Under Authority" began this process by claiming that any disagreement by a woman or child is rebellion against their parents or husband and will be punished by Satan.  Now, a variety of techniques are used to minimize and brainwash the wronged person.

Step Two is "Realize that the One With the Grievance is Usually the Key to the Solution."  The counselor is told to assume that the person who complains about an issue actually struggles with the same issue themselves.  That's insane advice.

The highlighted portion reads "A clear guideline for any counselor is knowing that when one person condemns another, he is often guilty of precisely the same problem." This is a classic example of poisoning the well.  

Run away from any counselor who responds to "My spouse had an affair" with "You've lusted after someone in your heart and that's the same problem" or to "My child stole $1,000 dollars from us" with "You've been covetous before - and that's the same thing."

Step Five is "Understand that all conflicts are the result of resisting God's grace".  Truthfully, most of the section is a convoluted digression on what grace is.  The toxic bit is that when a person sins against us, we are supposed to instantly forgive the offender.  If we don't, we are bitter.

I might accept this argument as long as the definition of forgiveness is "do not retaliate against that person by wronging them in the same way." 

If the definition of forgiveness is closer to the idea of giving the person an immediate pass from all consequences of their behavior, I will never agree with it. 

You can forgive a spouse who commits adultery while ending a marriage.  You can forgive an attacker while working within the criminal justice system to see them punished for their crimes.  You can forgive an ex-lover for treating you badly while breaking off the relationship entirely.  Forgiving is not forgetting or forgoing consequences.

Step Six is "Look for Evidence of Three Root Problems"  Gothard teaches that all "problems" arise from greed, bitterness or moral impurity.  The booklet includes a diagram that makes absolutely no sense to me:

I can't take anyone seriously who lumps "wrong clothes" and "wrong music" into the same category as "runaways".  Ditto for putting "boredom" and "impetuosity" as attitudes.

Just out of curiosity, is the agonizing boredom of being a stay-at-home daughter due to bitterness, greed or moral impurity?  Can anyone answer that without laughing?

This step also gives a great example of how to blame the people who want counsel for their problems:


I was struck by posts I remember reading at "Recovering Grace" that detailed how teenagers were sent out to counsel real adults in ATI/ATIA/IBLP.  Imagine how horrifying it would be to state that you were having marriage problems to a teenager - then have the teenager start asking if it was due moral impurity now, moral impurity before your marriage or if you were actively involved in perversions.  *shudders*  Then imagine discussing how your family is struggling because your boss isn't paying you overtime required by law - and have the kid chirp up that that's a sign of greed.

Now imagine you are the teen hearing all of this and having to give sage advice. *shudders*

This is NOT ok.

Step Twelve is "Pinpoint the Problem before Agreeing to Give Counsel" which basically means have the person give a simple, one-sentence summary of the problem before agreeing to meet with them.  It's not terrible advice per se - but the twist is that people are taught that anyone who doesn't want to do that is rationalizing a sin like adultery or murder.


This is shitty advice regardless of the other person's problem.  There's no differentiation between Josh Duggar confessing that he's molesting his sisters and unrelated girls and one of his sisters' confessing they were molested.  There's no differentiation between the secretary who told the police that a principal was scamming the state for millions of dollars and the principal himself. 


Step Thirteen is "Set Up An Appointment - Do Not Give Immediate Counsel". Instead - make an appointment and have the write a one-page summary of the problem in hopes that they figure out the issue themselves.  Truthfully, I hope that people figured it out themselves rather than returning for some more brainwashing.

The most ham-handed example is Step 16: "Lead the Person in Precise Prayers."  Counselors are instructed how to encourage their client to spontaneously pray - while requiring the person to re-do the prayer until the person has included all of the points that the counselor wants in the prayer.

I was struck how there is no discussion of if the teenager really wanted to surrender their will to the Lord.  Even among the most ardent people, someone might not be ready to take that step.  This is creating a situation where the client will learn to parrot whatever the counselor wants them to say without thinking about it as a best case scenario.  Worst case scenario - the client is hiding the fact that they have no intention of changing their ways - and I don't like forcing people to lie to get out of a weird counseling session.

Step Seventeen is "Learn to be an 'instructive listener'" which is jargon for "use your body language to convey judgement instantaneously".



This is epically bad advice for a multitude of reasons.

My first objection is that this is an underhanded way of expressing disapproval.  Adults speak up when they disagree with someone; they don't train themselves to use body language instead of speech.

My second objection is more practical; the advice for the "listener" will send a completely different message than the booklet tells them to expect it to.

When people are discussing emotionally sensitive topics, talking to a relaxed face listener who is attentive works pretty well.  Talking to a human replica of a bobble-head is not relaxing - in fact, excessive head-nodding with a forced grin is generally read as increased anxiety on behalf of the listener.  The net outcome is that the speaker thinks that the "good ideas" are causing anxiety in the listener - not the positive feedback they wanted.

When the practitioner of this crazed advice moves to the second stage where they nod less and their smile becomes natural,  they are conveying that they are more relaxed and less anxious about this topic.  In other words, they are conveying approval of the message rather than mild disapproval.

The last stage where the person is not smiling, not nodding and making eye contact - that's a neutral face that professional counselors spend hours learning to do while people disclose emotionally charged information.  It is often the least threatening or disturbing face for people who need support - which is the complete opposite of what the Wisdom Booklet is expecting to happen.

My last objection is pragmatic; learning to follow this advice is extremely time-consuming and requires active practice.  The listener needs to be monitoring their facial expressions and adjusting their expressions minutely in response to how well the speaker's ideas fit a preconceived notion all while processing continued speech by the speaker.  It's not like the speaker says one idea and pauses for 30 seconds while the listener works all this out.  Learning to have a neutral face - and how to quickly return to a neutral face when the listener has a strong reaction to a statement - is plenty hard; having to choose between "bobblehead", "active listening", or "neutral face" would be exceptionally difficult - and exhausting.

And presumably the listener would need to speak eventually.....if they haven't collapsed from exhaustion.

Speaking of exhaustion - I'm done with this wisdom booklet.  Thank God for small favors.