No, seriously. Half the fun of living in the country is the fact that any misunderstanding between the crabbiest members of an extended family can lead to a "Romeo and Juliet"-style romance - or equally "Romeo and Juliet" - style death toll - fifty years down the road.
I share this factoid because Steven and Teri Maxwell imply that terrible things than happen if people fail to learn to converse correctly from their book "Making Great Conversationalists". And yes, I've meet families that have splintered to the point of changing the spelling of their last name based on rude behavior of members.
I simply question if this next "bad" conversation is as dire as the Maxwells imply:
Mrs. Monroe has just brought a plate of cookies to Mrs. Jones' house to welcome the Joneses to the neighborhood.
" May I help you?" asks Mrs. Jones and she opens the door.
"I am Mrs. Monroe from next door, and I wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood."
"That is so kind and thoughtful of you. We just moved in yesterday, and the house is a mess or I'd invite you in," Mrs. Jones responds.
" Well, I-" Mrs. Monroe starts to comment, but Mrs. Jones interrupts her.
" We've already had to fix (sic) and that. It is amazing how much work this house is taken. We thought it was in good shape, but were we ever wrong. We've already called the plumber and electrician. Let me tell you, they were expensive," continues Mrs. Jones.
" I'm sorry. Have you tried-" Mrs. Monroe makes another attempt to be part of the conversation.
" I've even got a call into the air conditioning man and and am expecting him to get back to me any minute. Do you have any idea of how hot it is in our house? It feels like it could could be almost a hundred degrees, and it is only eleven o'clock. I can only guess how hot it will be this afternoon. I tried to open the windows, but I couldn't get any of them to open. Those are two more repairman I will need to call. I think those calls should be my husband's responsibility. I don't know why he isn't the one making them. He can deal with these people much better than I can. Oh, yes, and thank you for the cookies. I must be going. Nice talking with you. Stop by anytime. Bye," says Mrs. Jones as she steps back inside the house.
" Bye," replies Mrs. Monroe.
What kind of relationship did this conversation generate between these two ladies? How likely is it that Mrs. Monroe will ever try to visit with Mrs. Jones again? (pgs. 37-38)
" May I help you?" asks Mrs. Jones and she opens the door.
"I am Mrs. Monroe from next door, and I wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood."
"That is so kind and thoughtful of you. We just moved in yesterday, and the house is a mess or I'd invite you in," Mrs. Jones responds.
" Well, I-" Mrs. Monroe starts to comment, but Mrs. Jones interrupts her.
" We've already had to fix (sic) and that. It is amazing how much work this house is taken. We thought it was in good shape, but were we ever wrong. We've already called the plumber and electrician. Let me tell you, they were expensive," continues Mrs. Jones.
" I'm sorry. Have you tried-" Mrs. Monroe makes another attempt to be part of the conversation.
" I've even got a call into the air conditioning man and and am expecting him to get back to me any minute. Do you have any idea of how hot it is in our house? It feels like it could could be almost a hundred degrees, and it is only eleven o'clock. I can only guess how hot it will be this afternoon. I tried to open the windows, but I couldn't get any of them to open. Those are two more repairman I will need to call. I think those calls should be my husband's responsibility. I don't know why he isn't the one making them. He can deal with these people much better than I can. Oh, yes, and thank you for the cookies. I must be going. Nice talking with you. Stop by anytime. Bye," says Mrs. Jones as she steps back inside the house.
" Bye," replies Mrs. Monroe.
What kind of relationship did this conversation generate between these two ladies? How likely is it that Mrs. Monroe will ever try to visit with Mrs. Jones again? (pgs. 37-38)
OH, THE HORRORS! This rudeness sets off the great Monroe-Jones feud that leads to...absolutely nothing.
Look, Mrs. Monroe is an adult. Adults understand that moving is very stressful and people don't present themselves in the best way when stressed. Mrs. Jones is decidedly frazzled and might want to stop drinking caffeine for the day, but she's not so obnoxious that the Monroes will never talk to her again.
Even if the Joneses are self-centered and chatterboxes, there's still some really important information that the Monroes will want to get from them.
Personally, I want to know who the hell did the inspection of the home. Home inspectors vary a lot in quality - but this inspector managed to miss issues with the plumbing, electricity, air conditioning and the fact that all the windows are inoperable. Those are some pretty big issues to miss and I don't want to use that inspector the next time I move.
I'm very curious about the two professionals that Mrs. Jones is going to call to fix the windows. I thought I misread it at first - but Mrs. Jones said that she's waiting for a call from the AC repair company and that she needs to call two repairmen. After discussing this extensively with my husband, we're assuming that one repairman is the local odds-jobs-man who will show Mrs. Jones how to unlock the double-paned windows...or maybe strip paint from the frames...or explain that the windows don't open. The other repairman is a glazier because Mrs. Jones has decided to break all the windows to cool the house down.
Finally, Mrs. Monroe's habit of introducing herself as "Mrs. Monroe" to another adult woman casually is outdated by at least 60 years.
Let's see if the conversation would have been different had Mrs. Jones been a good conversationalist.
Mrs. Monroe has just brought a plate of cookies to Mrs. Jones's house to welcome the Joneses to the neighborhood.
" May I help you?" asks Mrs. Jones as she opens the door.
" I'm Mrs. Monroe from next door, and I wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood," Mrs. Monroe's smiles as she hands Mrs. Jones the cookies.
" That is so kind and thoughtful of you. Thank you. We just moved in yesterday, and there isn't even a place to sit down, or I'd invite you in. But I would love to take a minute and hear about your family," Mrs. Jones replies.
" Well, Bob and I have been married for 12 years, and God has blessed us with four children so far. Our children range from ten down to three, and we are expecting another one in August. Tell me about your family," Mrs. Monroe answers.
"Jim and I have been married for 24 years and have two children. Daniel is 20, and Melissa's 17. We've homeschooled them since the beginning," response Mrs. Jones.
" Really? Homeschool? You must have so much patience. I don't think I could ever homeschool. I'm just not patient enough," Mrs. Monroe says.
What a difference! This is the kind of conversation that builds friendships-- a great beginning for these two neighbors. (pgs. 38-39)
Mrs. Monroe has just brought a plate of cookies to Mrs. Jones's house to welcome the Joneses to the neighborhood.
" May I help you?" asks Mrs. Jones as she opens the door.
" I'm Mrs. Monroe from next door, and I wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood," Mrs. Monroe's smiles as she hands Mrs. Jones the cookies.
" That is so kind and thoughtful of you. Thank you. We just moved in yesterday, and there isn't even a place to sit down, or I'd invite you in. But I would love to take a minute and hear about your family," Mrs. Jones replies.
" Well, Bob and I have been married for 12 years, and God has blessed us with four children so far. Our children range from ten down to three, and we are expecting another one in August. Tell me about your family," Mrs. Monroe answers.
"Jim and I have been married for 24 years and have two children. Daniel is 20, and Melissa's 17. We've homeschooled them since the beginning," response Mrs. Jones.
" Really? Homeschool? You must have so much patience. I don't think I could ever homeschool. I'm just not patient enough," Mrs. Monroe says.
What a difference! This is the kind of conversation that builds friendships-- a great beginning for these two neighbors. (pgs. 38-39)
Friendships are built on carefully constructed truths that show no negatives in the land of the Maxwells. Mrs. Jones is still trapped in a hermetically sealed house without air conditioning with wonky plumbing and electricity with her two homeschooled young adults. The Monroes are still unaware of a terrifyingly inept housing inspector. The discussion is more outwardly pleasant - but the most vital pieces of information are not being exchanged.
In real life, I would be seriously curious as to why Daniel is being homeschooled at age 20.
Now, if the Joneses had bought the Maxwell's book "Preparing Sons to Provide for Single-Income Families" Daniel would be able to fix the plumbing, electricity and windows himself - but his family didn't and now they are paying the price. Buy all of the Maxwell books or your family will suffer!
Mrs. Monroe, on the other hand, has four kids between the ages of 10 and three, is pregnant with the fifth, and had time to bake cookies for the new neighbor. That's terrifyingly efficient - and I think I'd prefer the Joneses. Does Mrs. Monroe realize that her cookie baking time will evaporate once she is converted to homeschooling like the chaos-ridden Joneses?
I know weather patterns are different in the south and southwest - but Michigan doesn't get 90 degree heat before June most years. The fact that Mrs. Jones doesn't appear to notice that Mrs. Monroe is in her third trimester (and presumably showing a lot since it's her fifth) while standing on the porch in blistering heat seems implausible.
See, the Maxwells miss the two most obvious reasons the Monroes and Joneses will meet in the future. First, they are next-door neighbors. Unless one of the families only comes out at night, they will run into each other when working on lawns or shoveling driveways. In real-life, the Monroes would show up at the Joneses for trick-or-treating on Halloween or with holiday treats around Christmas. Secondly, Melissa Jones is prime babysitter age and the Monroes have a growing herd of kids to be babysat. My family has had multi-decade relationships built on the parent-babysitter-kid relationship.
Last question: how often does one homeschooling family move in next door to a family who is a good target for conversion to homeschooling - and eventually CP/QF life - through random chance?
Next post: More information-concealing conversations and a Maxwell-conversation stopper.
Cultures are different in different parts of the country, but I know that if you live north of the Mason-Dixon line you're not expecting someone to drop everything if you pop over unexpectedly with cookies while they're in the midst of moving in.
ReplyDeleteIt feels like the Maxwells are trying too hard to have some important message for the world.
These conversations feel like the dialogues we had to memorize when learning a foreign language in high school. It's was nice in that context to see our vocab words in use, but honestly ... those are example dialogues for the sake of learning a language. They are not actual conversations people would ever have.
Yup. In Michigan, dropping cookies for a new neighbor is expected to take at most 5 minutes total. It's not that we aren't friendly, it's just that we know how much work moving in is - and that we don't know the new people well enough to be genuinely helpful in unloading their home.
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