Maidens of Virtue: Chapter Eight

I found this chapter contained some of the most repugnant views of the whole book.  Mrs. McDonald makes her inability to separate physical issues from spiritual issues abundantly clear for the whole world to see.

The chapter is titled "The Bath" and is superficially about how much Stacy McDonald loves a good bath - complete with lots of scented lotions, perfumes and bath soaps.   Personally, the descriptions make me itch vicariously since I have dry skin that is highly reactive to most scented products, but I don't begrudge anyone a bubble bath if they enjoy it.

The problem comes when it becomes clear that Stacy McDonald assumes that physical cleanliness is a sign of spiritual health - and that poor hygiene is due primarily to sin.

My husband and I once attended church with a man who had a truly offensive body odor. He came to church and filthy clothes, greasy hair, and he smelled... bad. You could see the pained expression on the faces of the poor souls who are stuck sitting beside him during service.

We knew him personally, and he was neither handicapped nor poor (though soap and water are fairly cheap). In fact, other than his grooming habits, he seem to be a fairly strong Christian. Unfortunately, he earned a reputation for not being very pleasant to be around, simply because of his apparent refusal to take care of his physical body. I always wondered what it would have been like to see him with a decent haircut, clean clothes, and without the fog of two-week-old perspiration engulfing his body. (pg. 80)

The difference in morality between how I was raised and how CP/QF doyennes live boggles my mind.  My parents expected a certain level of rebellion in us kids; moaning and groaning about being dragged to church at an ungodly hour of the morning irritated my parents - but it wasn't the end of the world.  Having a "pained expression" because of the body odor of an unfortunate soul at church would have brought an immediate reprimand to "stop that now!" followed by a scolding about not being rude to people who are struggling.   A major theme in my family's morality is "Don't kick someone when they are down.  People deserve respect - and people who are struggling or oppressed deserve more respect, not less."  We learned to control our facial expressions and urges to stare as children and pre-teens; pulling that kind of shit as a teenager or an adult was unconscionable.

Stacy McDonald - who is currently a pastor's wife - apparently couldn't take the step of behaving like a Christian.  She knew he needed a haircut, clean clothes and hygiene products.  Maybe he struggled with depression.  Maybe he wasn't as well-off as she thought.  Perhaps he had a mild cognitive impairment or a physical issue that interfered with his ability to care for himself.  I have to speculate on what he was struggling with because Mrs. McDonald couldn't be bothered to ask him herself in a spirit of helping another human being. 

I have also known married women who attend church or social gatherings with dirty, unkempt hair, a disheveled appearance, and no apparent attempt to look or smell nice for their husbands. They most likely developed poor grooming habits as young maidens and failed to honor their family or others by paying attention to their outward appearance. (pg. 80)

I have no idea what percentage of women at my church have messy hair.  My parents would have killed me if I had been spending time at Mass judging the appearance of other people.  To be clear, my parents could care less if I had day-dreamed my way through a Mass - but they would have been horrified if they raised a child who sat around judging people at church. 

On an unrelated note, the fact that Stacy McDonald knows -and judges - how other women smell is creepy as hell.   Judging people's looks is catty, childish, and unchristian,  but at least it can be done from a safe distance.  Was she wandering around sniffing people during church or at the social afterwards?  Either way - gross.

James 2:1-4 warns us of our sinful tendency towards partiality of those who are richer, dress nicer, are more beautiful, smarter, or have higher rank in society. We are not to be respecters of persons. Scripture teaches us to treat others the way we wish to be treated, to love our neighbors as ourselves, and to prefer others over ourselves (Romans 12:10). Grooming ourselves, cleansing our bodies, and presenting ourselves to others in a comely way, is all part of loving your neighbor as well as glorifying God (pg. 81)

*blinks*

Look, proper gas-lighting requires some preparatory work or at least a coherent transition; when an author half-asses it, it all falls apart.   

James 2:1-4 states that Christians shouldn't favor rich, well-clothed people over poor people in dirty clothes.  It's the best rebuttal to the previous quote that I've ever seen.  Romans 12:10 is about how Christians should strive to show love and honor to others; it's the polar opposite of how her church reacted to her "friend" who was struggling.   The sentence that begins "Grooming ourselves, ...." is a non-sequitur that reflects Stacy McDonald's personal obsession with hygiene as a sign of Christianity.   

Can't have a CP/QF book without some humble-brag:

For as long as I can remember, my mother enjoyed taking hot baths in the evenings. I have tried to follow her example and take some time in the evening for quiet retreat with scented bubbles or bath salts. Sometimes I simply use a few drops of various essential oils. As my precious husband and children bless me on birthdays and Mother's Day with special gifts, I indulge the use of scented bath powders and light perfumes.

Aside for my regular morning shower, I admit I don't always have time for more than a quick sponge bath and fluff of scented powder at night. But when it's possible, not only is a nice bath a relaxing treat for me, it is a blessing to my husband and children as well. When my husband retires for the night, he is greeted with the smell of lavender, rose, sandalwood, or ylang ylang! (pg. 82)

*sings*  "Money, money, mon-ney!  Money! Money, money mon-ney!  Money!" *stops singing*

"Soap and water" might be cheap - but essential oils, scented bubble bath, scented bath salts, scented bath powders and perfumes add up quickly.

If I followed that regimen, my husband would be greeted by the scent of lavender, the sight of a wife attempting to claw off her own skin, and the sound of pitiful whining as I thrashed around on the bed trying to get the itching to stop.  Two deep soakings a day plus lathering myself with scented stuff would give me systematic eczema severe enough to require oral steroids in .... oh..... let's say  two weeks in the summer and one week during the winter.

But - you know - it's really a blessing for my husband and son to have a raw, oozing itchy wife and mother.

Just in case the girls who read this haven't been brainwashed enough yet, we have the "Share Your Heart Section"

Discuss ways that physical cleanliness can be an outward sign of inward purity. (pg. 83)

I think  Matthew 23:27  made the connection the most clear: "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!  For you are like whitewashed tombs, which on the outside look beautiful, but inside they are fill of the bones of the dead and of all kinds of filth."   Amazing how many Gospel verses directly contradict CP/QF teachings, isn't it?  I know I always find it heartening.

What are some common sins that could cause someone's neglect habits of cleanliness or good grooming, including regular hair washing and brushing, dental hygiene, and the washing or maintenance of her clothing? (pg. 84)

Let's see. The main reasons I can think of that people neglect personal hygiene include severe illness, disabilities, poverty and depression - but none of those are sins.  Right, Mrs. McDonald? 

Side note: I wonder what she would have said about me if she had seen me the day my son was born.  I looked terrible - oily, disheveled hair, dark circles around my swollen eyes, no make-up, and a ratty cardigan thrown over a hospital gown.  I know I smelled odd if not outright bad; I hadn't been able to shower in 72 hours and had been sweating like a stuck pig.  I'm sure that all the deodorant in the world can't quite cover that.    Of course, most human beings would have realized that I was severely ill, recovering from surgery, attached to an IV, and visibly exhausted and felt some compassion for me.   It was all for the best that I was surrounded by caring professionals - rather than a severely judgmental pastor's wife.