Maidens of Virtue: Chapter Seven

The last chapter was a denouncement of the evils of jeans.  Clearly, jeans cause sexual harassment and should be outlawed - or at least worn under shapeless dress.

In this chapter, we learn that Stacy McDonald thinks all teenagers are goths and that goths are terribly unhappy inside.   Oh, she wraps up the chapter by declaring that even Christan women are not visible markers of purity any more - but it's mainly about what Stacy McDonald thinks all teenagers are like.

Oddly enough - I worked with quite a few students who were a lot like the "Modern Mandy" she derides.  I found them to be delightful and easier to be around than the average neurotic CP/QF adherent who has been taught that everything is a sin and that they are corrupting every male simply by being alive.

Mandy spends hours "texting" friends during the day; and, at night, she spends hours on various online social forums. She and her friends post hundreds of photos of themselves, all striking seductive poses for their ever changing profile pics.

Since Mandy's hair usually hangs in her face, it may be difficult to notice that she rarely smiles - smirking doesn't count. But, regardless of her hairstyle, her general look of disrespect, defiance, and boredom is unmistakable and clearly reveals the misery in her heart. (pg. 70)

I am fascinated how parents of home schooled students apply realities of home schooled life to traditionally schooled teens willy-nilly.  Most traditionally schooled teens don't have hours during the day or night available for texting.  Oh, some kids furtively - or not so furtively - send messages during class periods - but that gets in the way of taking notes, doing classwork, or finishing homework from another class.  Sure, some kids use the passing and lunch periods as a frantic time of texting - but they've also got to get to another class and sometimes even talk to other students around them.

Likewise, traditional schools take up time in the evenings with homework and with after-school activities.   If Mandy is not on a college-prep track, she will still have math homework most nights along with occasional writing assignments from her other classes.  If she's on a college prep track, she's probably got several hours of homework to fit around activities like a Writer's Club, sports, music, theater or a job.

I worked with students who had dropped out or been kicked out of traditional high schools.  We were not supposed to assign homework - but kids who had a lot of absences ended up needing to work on missing work after school.  Other students were trying to make up lost credits by completing entire classes in their spare time.  Many kids had children of their own - but even kids without babies had younger siblings or cousins who needed to be watched and tended while their parents were at work.

On a unrelated note, get an editor, please!

• Mandy probably smiles in those seductive poses she takes for her profile pic; smirking doesn't really fit the expected expression.
• Why would Mandy look disrespectful, defiant or bored when she's hanging out with her friends in real life or online?  

I know the CP/QF standard motto is "People who aren't like us are really frantically miserable deep inside" - but that's not coming across in this synopsis at all.

Anytime her mother asks her to help with household chores, Mandy rolls her eyes and stiffens her neck. (Jer. 17:23) Even simple tasks like cleaning her own room or doing her school work throw Mandy into fits of exasperation.

Sadly, Mandy considers her younger siblings a "nuisance". Her youngest sister is always "snooping in her stuff," and her little brother constantly makes the "most annoying noises." None of Mandy's friends get along with their brothers and sisters, so she considers it normal. Besides, rather than spend time with her family, she would much rather watch television, go to the mall, or hang out with her friends. (pg. 70)

The Bible verses shoved in the middle of the description of Mandy are disconcerting and weird.  Most people do not have a compulsion to justify everything they do with a Scripture quote; I assure you that Mandy does not care that she's behaving in a way denigrated in Jeremiah.

Apparently, being told to clean your room and do your homework should be taken with a light heart and bouncy step.  Never mind the fact that most parents have given up on enforcing their level of cleanliness on a teenager's room and that most teenagers are more than capable of doing their homework without nagging.  The term, by the way, is homework.  Mandy did school work while she was at school.

Notice that the problem with Mandy is that she tells the truth about her younger siblings.  Her younger sister is nosy and gets into Mandy's personal items - but the problem in Stacy McDonald's mind is that Mandy wants to enforce a boundary that her sister needs to respect her stuff.   Younger siblings often make annoying noises; children are noisy.  Instead of teaching the little brother to respect the rules of the house - like using "indoor voices" and that some toys are "outdoor toys" - the problem is that Mandy doesn't shut up and let the kids do whatever they want.

Interesting fact: neither watching TV nor going to the mall excludes spending time with family.  In my family, both of these activities are large group activities that involve talking, discussions and time with family members.

Denigrate teens spending time with other teens at your own risk.  Having teenagers participate in fraternal, sororal, or mixed gender groups of age-mates is far more universal and historical than forcing teens to remain in "family-integrated" or "age-integrated" groupings.  Other teenagers are the people Mandy will be forming businesses with, finding a romantic partner from and raising their children along side - not the random older people her parents like to be around.

Mandy is good friends with a lot of guys. One boy in particular follows her around a lot. She finds herself strangely amused when she catches him staring at her. She even made a game of catching his eye and purposely making him blush. Of course he's just a friend to her - if he can't control himself, that's his problem (Proverbs 6:25-26). (pg. 70)

Boy - only CP/QF can make flirting lead directly to sexual sin without any stops along the way.   

Guess what?  Mandy is wayyyy farther along on the track of romance than most married CP/QF adherents.  She's accurately assessed the interest of a peer, decided she's attracted to him and communicates her attraction using nonverbal body language.  Her boy friend managed to get her attention and communicate attraction, too.

The Proverbs quote doesn't apply to this situation.  The Proverb is to avoid an adulterous woman who is propositioning you.  Mandy's not having an affair; all she's done so far is bat her eyes at another teenager.  That's not even fornication let alone adultery.

What stands out even more than Mandy's gloomy makeup and depressing appearance is her lack of dignity - self-respect. She may momentarily enjoy the negative attention she gets from her revealing dress and forward behavior, but it doesn't satisfy her. Instead it leaves her with an empty gnawing in the pit of her stomach. She yearns to feel clean and truly loved. (pg. 70)

Is Mandy supposed to be a "Queen of the Night" style goth - or what?  She's in gloomy makeup, wears her hair over her face, looks generally depressed and is also wearing revealing clothing.  That's a relatively rare look for teenage girls in my area of the US - which is pretty close to Mrs. McDonald's section of the US.

In my experience, teens who dress like goths generally have plenty of dignity and self-respect; it's not a style that brings a ton of positive feedback from others in the world.  It's a clothing style that they like and take a great deal of time and energy to achieve.   I've had two "Goth-like" students who I had for multiple years and developed good rapport with; neither of them ever implied they felt miserable, empty or dirty because of their life choices.  Instead, they had a healthy level of spunk, an ability to hold their own opinions while disagreeing respectfully with others and a fondness for death metal that I found adorable.  The students were also well loved by their family and circle of friends - and actually were the least likely to have children before leaving high school.

Some may agree that the behaviors of girls like modern Mandy is a bit destructive, but is it really that big a deal? After all, isn't it natural for a girl in her teens to want to get away from her family; and isn't everyone irritated by their younger siblings? Isn't this all apart of growing up? "" If it feels right do it!" Isn't that normal? (pg. 70)

None of Mandy's behaviors are destructive.  Posting a flirty, fully dressed picture on the internet is normal.  Spending time with friends in a peer group is normal.  Having romantic interests is normal.  Dressing to fit your peer group is normal.  Believing that no one understands you is so normal.   Finding your siblings annoying is normal.

 What kills me is that CP/QF teens do all the same things - they just do it with a slight twist to fit a different peer group.  Their pictures are in nice Sunday clothes playing with a sibling or niece to show what good parenting material they are.  They do "projects" through their church or home school association.  They gossip incessantly about who is courting whom and who is dressed immodestly.  They make or buy flouncy tea-length skirts with shirts that are tailored - but not showing skin or a figure!  They spend inordinate amounts of time figuring out how they are going to do something amazing for Christ that is completely and totally different than anyone else has done before.  They practice sweeping family conflicts under the rug rather than using communication to change habits.

When push comes to shove, I'd rather spend an afternoon working with Mandy on her science homework than an afternoon with Mrs. McDonald.