Joyfully At Home: Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven of Jasmine Baucham's "Joyfully At Home" has the delightful title of "Overcoming a False View of God's Sovereignty and Embracing The Bigger Picture".

Are we overcoming the false view of God's Sovereignty which leads to embracing the bigger picture - or are we overcoming the false view of God's Sovereignty and the false view of the bigger picture?
I think Jasmine meant to do the former - but her inability to shake free of the CP/QF obsession with marriage for women makes the chapter feel more like the latter.   Like the previous chapter, the entire chapter focuses on marriage as being the only desirable state for an adult woman - but single women had better not feel bad about not being married!  God is angry when people who recognize that they are getting the short end of the stick have the audacity to feel angry or bitter about being left behind.

This chapter - compared to a real chapter about God's Sovereignty - shows off the inherent roadblock in CP/QF life for accepting that some women are called to be single.  Jasmine Baucham fails to describe any paths for adult women besides marriage.  This absence highlights the complete lack of milestones or chances for recognition that a girl is growing into an adult woman outside of marriage.  In broader society, women have many possible chances to celebrate adult milestones like high school graduation, graduation from post-secondary education, housewarming for an apartment, housewarming for a new home, and celebrations inherent with having a job.  Yes, there are still a separate set of celebrations surrounding marriage and motherhood - but in CP/QF land, a really Godly Woman only graduates from homeschool, gets married, and has babies. 

It's a bleak world for a woman who misses the window for getting married.

With that background, let's look at the first quote:

In so many ways, this issue is the crux of disappointment. This is why I worry when I see a young woman at the tender age of 18 becoming despondent because no one has asked for her hand in marriage yet. She's worried that something is wrong with her, and that the silence will set the pattern for years to come. I worry about the girl 10 years her senior, who has had men come and go, but does not think any of them have been the right man for her. She is wondering if she should settle for the next guy who asked for her because, let's face it, she's not getting any younger. I worry for the girl who knows a young man that she would jump at the chance to marry, if only he would glance at her. She is turning down perfectly acceptable godly young men because of the one guy whose attention she can't get, and she's perfectly convinced that God will send her the one she wants. (pg. 124)

Is disappointment the main theme really?

The first girl isn't disappointed; she's scared witless.  Eighteen is so very young - but a sheltered 18-year old who has heard her whole life that women only matter as wives and mothers has no way of knowing that she's going to be in a much better place to be a wife if she waits to get married until after age 20.    The lifetime divorce rates for people who marry before age 20 are the highest of all so why not wait a few years until age 24 or 25 and spend the years between homeschool graduation and marriage learning how to be an adult.

The best way to get rid of the fear is to be around men and....well, date or court.   To find a partner, a woman needs men to know she exists and that's she's interested in getting to know men as potential spouses.  The details of dating vs courting vs whatever matter much less than sending a clear signal of "I'm here and available!"

The second girl is also anxious - although somewhat less than the first because she's had decent luck finding out that guys are interested in her.   For me, she's the most relatable of the three women because I did wonder if I was being too picky in the dark hours of the night sometimes.   Here's the thing, though.  Those feelings passed in the light of day when I was busy with my job and activities.  The feelings certainly stopped dead on horrible first dates.  The feelings was replaced with dread when I contemplated going on one more date with a guy I met at work when I worked from 7pm-2am.  He was fascinating at 3am after work - but mainly because I was punch-drunk tired.  Dates during normal daylight or early evening slots were awkward and dragging. 

That feeling sucks - but a job, volunteer opportunities, hobbies or anything that gives a purpose to a young woman's life outside of being a wife and mother tends to mitigate that desire to marry the next guy who seems remotely interested. 

Ironically, Miss Baucham seems to be leading girl #2 away from settling while implying that girl #3 should settle for the next guy who comes along.  Maybe God will send her TheOne - or maybe he'll marry someone else and that'll be that.  Either way - girl #3 is not doing the next "acceptable godly young man" a favor if she marries him while she's carrying a torch for TheOne.

Even at 19, Jasmine was more than old enough to recognize that there are far more men in the group "acceptable godly young men" than are in the group "marriageable men who I could be married to happily".

Just remember - being angry at God means you are an immature toddler!

This attitude of contentment is radically different from the attitude that walks around, despondent and forlorn, angry at God like a two year old gets angry at her parents because she isn't allowed to eat ice cream for breakfast. You see, the child's parents have insights that the child does not have. Eating ice cream for breakfast every morning is an unhealthy habit. Ice cream will not give her the nutrients she needs to grow healthy and strong. From the 2-year olds perspective, her parents are just being sadistic. From the parental perspective -- the more knowledgeable perspective-- they're actually being loving. (pg, 127)

After....dunno.... three chapters of informing young women that they can be Godly without early marriage - Jasmine informs women that marriage comes when God decides young women are worthy of marriage.   You know - just like when parents decide that their kids deserve ice cream for dessert. 

I triple-dog dare Jasmine Holmes to contact her buddies Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin and tell them that God hasn't sent them husbands yet because they aren't ready for marriage yet. 

Mrs. Holmes won't do that, though, because that would be cruel - and that quote is brutally cruel to women who want to marry but haven't met the right man yet.