Joyfully At Home: Chapter 12 - Part One

There's been a rough cold going around West Michigan.  I was hoping against hope we could miss it if we all washed our hands enough - and ignore the fact that my husband and I work around large numbers of people and have a preschooler.

We got the plague last week.

Everyone has survived - although one more day with a crabby preschooler may have changed that.

The little guy may have gotten Fifth Disease...or rubeola...or maybe the cold caused him to develop the viral rash colloquially known as "Slapped Cheek Rash".  He looked a bit like a garden gnome.    I took him to the doctor when the nurse line* let us know that we needed to bring him in since he had a rash.  Turns out the receptionist forgot to hit the "Patient Ready" button and we ended up in the waiting room for an hour.   The Garden Gnome Preschool Edition was good company, though, and we met a very nice resident who managed to examine the Garden Gnome without too much fuss.

That was my first experience with viral rashes.  I found myself wondering idly if Jasmine Baucham, Jana Duggar or any of the SAHDs who raised multiple younger siblings had more experience with childhood rashes - and how depressing if the answer was yes.

We're into Chapter 12 of Jasmine Baucham's "Joyfully At Home" titled "Why Do You Live At Home?"  Essentially, Jasmine attempts to walk other SAHDs through an apologetics course to teach them how to answer crazy questions like "Wait....you are doing what?" and "Shouldn't you attempt to get some career training?"    The issue is that 19-year old Jasmine is really sheltered from the harsh realities of adult life - like the fact that some men leave their wives and children - and so her answers manage to be both idealistic and fantastic at the same time.

Here's a great quote demonstrating how strangely sheltered she is:

One hand, a blog is a public forum-- those who write do so at their own risk. However, it never ceases to amaze me how people who are diametrically opposed to my lifestyle curiously peruse what I write. I always liken it to a young conservative evangelical like myself religiously reading the blog of a left-wing homosexual college student. Frankly, that's just not something I would ever do. My curiosity has its limits. (pg. 137)

Well, the interest in her blog isn't based on the fact she's an evangelical SAHD; it's because she's the daughter of Voddie Baucham and received a lot of publicity thanks to Vision Forum and her father's self-promotion.    Believe me, there are plenty of SAHD blogs that probably get a few hundred views a year - so SAHDs don't need to worry about being flamed by liberal visitors because most will never have a visitor comment.

Or the girls can pull a Maxwell and close down all comments on posts with material more controversial than "Here are photos of kids!"

I am curious, though; where is the line where a blog becomes off-limits for Jasmine?  Is it based on political views, religious views or sexual orientation?  Would a right-wing heterosexual LDS BYU college student blog be too scary?  How about a right-wing evangelical college student who is homosexual? What about a left-wing evangelical heterosexual who lives at home right now?

I find the flip comment about limiting curiosity weirdly unattractive.  I can wrap my head around not reading blog that are of a different viewpoint because of personal comfort.  But claiming that she's literally not curious - not even a little bit - makes her sound either dull or boring.

This next quote is out of the mouth of a thirteen year old visitor when she found out about Ms. Baucham's current life as a SAHD.

" Wow. I didn't know some 20 year olds weren't out on their own making something of themselves and going to college-- you're just living at home!"

I didn't flinch, although I might have three years ago. I'm used to that reaction. (pg. 139)

Honestly - the kid's not wrong.

The average SAHD is living like a young teenager until she gets married. 

Let's look at Anna and Mary Maxwell.  Anna works part-time as a customer service representative for her brother; I worked as a grocery store clerk starting at age 16.  Anna and Mary run a Bible club for kids at a local apartment complex; I ran CCD classes at my church starting when I was 16.  They babysit for their expanding set of nieces and nephews who live on the same block; I was babysitting local kids starting when I was 14.  Anna wrote a weirdly passive-aggressive post about how more people should use Google than ask the Maxwells questions about computers or for recipes.  That level of self-important obliviousness is classically found in young teens who don't recognize that employers give them trivial jobs to do because the teens are unready to do anything else.  Mary wrote a post about how to start lettering that has a disorganized first paragraph followed by "Practice a lot?" without any useful examples.  That post gives me flashbacks to reading high school rough drafts - and not the rough drafts from successful students.

Here's the problem - and the overarching theme for my response to the next two chapters.  Living at home isn't a problem; refusing to gain any marketable skills and employment references is. 

Imagine that something happened that required the Maxwell girls to start careers right now.  They have NO non-family references.  They have no post-secondary education or vocational training.  Anna's work for Nathan is a starting point - but only if she can hide the Maxwellian disdain for anyone who has the audacity to use the customer service provided as a term of being a client of Nathans.  Sarah and Mary....I've got nothing.   

If I pushed, I could probably get them retail or fast-food jobs - but only because the unemployment in my neck of the woods is at historically low levels and employers are struggling to fill positions.   When unemployment increases, the Maxwell girls would rapidly be blocked out of those positions by people with references and previous job experiences who are applying for the same jobs.

Looping back to Jasmine, she spends this chapter and most of the next chapter dancing around one major difference; she's attending college online while at home.   Entirely online college degrees are not something I recommend for a variety of reasons - but Jasmine has managed to get and keep teaching positions in home-school extension groups using that degree.   Why is she dancing around that?  Well, a truly good SAHD must be childlike - and children don't take steps to become financially independent.

Thank God Jasmine's family didn't live by the ideals in her book - and I'm terribly sorry for the daughters whose families did.

*Seriously, I called because my kid had a rash - but was hoping that if I described it as superficial, non-blistering, lacy and not petechial I could get a "keep on giving him Tylenol, Motrin and fluids until he's fine".   Dragging a three-year old into a medical setting in the middle of flu season was NOT my idea of a good time.