The rest of the chapter is a vapid, contradictory ramble on how people should dress modestly because otherwise those lost pagans might not think the right things about Jesus! Also, Christians shouldn't judge others by their outer appearances - but Christians can TOTALLY judge people by their outer appearances.
It's so tricky to justify judging others while being totally clear that you yourself are not to be judged.
The chapter leads off with a completely unconvincing "discussion" between two friends about how Hannah thinks Sarah's clothing is inappropriate.
"But it doesn't matter what I wear!" Sarah scoffed. "God sees my heart!" Sarah finish putting on her lipstick while Hannah tried in vain to reason with her old friend.
" Yes, God sees your heart," Hannah explained, " but nobody else does --especially boys --they see that." Hannah swept her hand in front of Sarah's revealing outfit. "Don't you see? They're too distracted by what you're wearing to notice you."
"But that's my point! I don't care if boys notice me or not." Hannah smiled coyly. "I just care what God thinks, and he can see my heart." (pg. 53)
" Yes, God sees your heart," Hannah explained, " but nobody else does --especially boys --they see that." Hannah swept her hand in front of Sarah's revealing outfit. "Don't you see? They're too distracted by what you're wearing to notice you."
"But that's my point! I don't care if boys notice me or not." Hannah smiled coyly. "I just care what God thinks, and he can see my heart." (pg. 53)
Stacy McDonald is writing to a CP/QF audience that values homeschooling and strict social isolation of kids. The audience doesn't have old friends are likely to spout off "God sees my heart!" while dressing in an "immodest" way. The only reason I can see for this vignette is to demonstrate how teenage girls are supposed to confront friends who are behaving in sinful ways while reminding the girls of how lost the outside world is. You know....those imaginary sinful friends who dress in popular ways.....
I had some friends of friends at Aquinas College who would attempt to "reform" our slutty dressing choices. Getting a lecture from another young woman doesn't read as "godly" or "loving" or "iron sharpening iron"; it reads as "jealous that I can't pull that look off" or "wants boys to look at her instead of me" or "socially maladjusted". This is coming from a woman whose style during young adulthood was relaxed fit jeans and a stained, chemical burned shapeless t-shirt - but man, if I put on a nice fitted sheath dress that hit just above my knees - that's when the bitchy came out.
Stacy McDonald bridges into a bunch of Scriptural verses about how outer appearances don't matter - and tap-dances rapidly to explain why those verses should be ignored.
So, if " God looks at the heart," then what does it matter how we present ourselves to others, right? If our goal is to please God and not man, then what does it matter how I dress, or if I keep myself clean and presentable? So what if I dress a little revealing? God knows my heart; doesn't he?
Remember, God looks at the heart, but all man can see is what we show him. In fact, I believe that God was warning us, as believers, that our outward appearance does matter! He said that men do look at the outer appearance - right or wrong, they do. It's a human weakness.
So, although we as Christians shouldn't judge others based on their appearance, we ourselves have responsibility to remember that others do you have this weakness; and we should desire to communicate good things about Christ by the way we present ourselves. (pgs. 54-55)
Remember, God looks at the heart, but all man can see is what we show him. In fact, I believe that God was warning us, as believers, that our outward appearance does matter! He said that men do look at the outer appearance - right or wrong, they do. It's a human weakness.
So, although we as Christians shouldn't judge others based on their appearance, we ourselves have responsibility to remember that others do you have this weakness; and we should desire to communicate good things about Christ by the way we present ourselves. (pgs. 54-55)
This is a slightly more nuanced version of gas-lighting than her previous attempt in Chapter Four. Rather that categorically stating that outward appearance is all that matters, she hedges her bets by trying to argue that Christians shouldn't judge by outward appearances - but those unsaved heathens totally judge everyone by their outside appearance. Her argument that Christians have to dress in a certain way to prevent being judged by the non-saved masses seems shaky at best - but it is a fascinating insight into how Stacy McDonald and other CP/QF adherents use outer appearances as a heuristic for inner salvation
Notice that Stacy McDonald also links cleanliness to modest dressing. This is a reoccurring theme in her book. The theme - as many of her themes, honestly - makes me wonder how often she has actually read the Bible. In my book, carefully selected excerpts or three verses followed by 10 pages of inspirational exhortations don't count. I feel a bit bad for her that she's so unaware of her personal biases about poverty and people who don't adhere to white, middle-class ethos from the 1950's.
I included this next quote because it's one of the strangest and least comprehensible arguments for dressing modestly I've ever heard.
It's all about loving God and loving our neighbor. And one way I can express my love for Jesus is by honestly representing him. I must respect the Lord's reputation. I speak dishonestly of the purity of Christ if I dress in a way that contradicts my testimony, or puts into question my chastity. I represent Jesus by the way I behave, dress, speak, and love my neighbor. (pg. 55)
I did not realize that Jesus could be slut-shamed by the clothing choices of his modern teenage followers. Girls, don't besmirch the purity of Christ! *rolls eyes* By the way, what does the purity of Christ mean? I'm dead serious about this because I've never heard that term in 16+ years of Catholic schooling. Personally, I think the reputation of Jesus is much more besmirched by the way CP/QF followers behave, speak and fail to love their neighbors every day of the week than it is when a Christian dresses in modern, attractive clothing.
Like I said at the beginning, this chapter is really short - thank God! I've included some more of those "Share and Discuss" questions. The brainwashing is real.
Examine your appearance. Is it sensual, careless, or unclean? If the answer is yes to any of those things, ask God to show you if there is a problem with your heart. (pg. 55)
Hoo-boy. Let me rephrase that question into a more clear statement. "Girls. When you see someone who is dressed immodestly, she's a slut. If they are dressed carelessly or in dirty clothes, feel free to disregard their humanity because they've got a sinful heart."
I'm unclear as to what "careless" appearance means. I'm assuming that's a blanket statement meant to justify being disdainful of women who are less fashionable, wearing clothing that is a bit worn, or who aren't into spending an hour a day on hair and makeup.
Do people you meet ever act surprised when they find out you're a Christian? If so, try to honestly examine what surprised them. How might you better display God's beauty and holiness? (pg. 55)
Me? Yeah, but it's a side-effect of living in Western Michigan where lots of Calvinist denominations actively teach that the only Christians are other Protestant faiths. This means that I've been hearing surprised voices saying "Oh, you're Catholic? I thought you were Christian!" since I was 5 or 6.
Around here, being blonde with blue eyes does the trick for people assuming that you are Christian - so....yeah. Good luck with that.
If someone told you that you looked "hot," how would that make you feel? Discuss your answer with your mother or mentor. (pg. 56)
Irritated unless they were handing me a glass of water and a seat in the shade. My face turns beet-red when I'm exercising in any temperature above 70 degrees.
Oh - that's not what you meant?
I don't mind being told I look sexy if 1) I know the other person really well (e.g., he's my spouse) or 2) I was in a location where I expected that to happen like singles bars. Outside of that - that's a bit weird and not a great way to try and pick me up.
How do you react to a Christian friend who dresses immodestly? Do you pray for her? Do you confront her? Do you feel superior to her? Do you "condemn" her in your heart? Discuss with your mother or mentor how to respond lovingly --biblically -to the sins of others.
Ooh! Ooh! I've got this one! Mind your own damn business. Get that log out of your eye before trying to remove the speck from hers.
Oh - that's not what you wanted to hear?
Too bad. Welcome to the real world.
These people are certainly selective about which "human weaknesses" they choose to accept. If only they could exhibit the same resignation towards people who are gay or trans or women who do "masculine" things as they do towards people who are shallow and judgmental of appearances. The "human weakness" of being gay or trans must be "cured" with abusive "therapies" and punished with laws that threaten LGBT people's safety and rights. The "human weakness" of having sexual desires outside the context of heterosexual marriage must be punished through preventing access to the means to prevent pregnancy if these desires are acted upon despite shaming and threats, and also through eliminating reproductive choice if pregnancy occurs. Ditto for access to STI prevention and treatment. The "human weakness" of being a woman who wants to "act like a man"--or a woman who has to by economic necessity--and have a career or a job must be punished by fighting every effort to make sure those women get paid decently and, of course, to also fight every effort to introduce paid family leave, affordable childcare, flex time, and other things that could make working women with families' lives any easier until many end up giving up their careers--if they even can--out of sheer exhaustion, logistical impossibility, or insufficient financial compensation to make the career "worth it." The "human weakness" of being a single mother must be punished by making sure, by any means necessary, that these women are both poor and regularly humiliated for being so. And all of these human weaknesses must be constantly bloviated about in church, on the internet, to strangers, on a house, with a mouse, here or there, everywhere...
ReplyDeleteBut the human weakness of being a judgmental jerk who thinks that everything important about a woman can be determined by a look at the length of her skirt or the cut of her neckline? Hey, what can you do! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Sinners gonna sin, right? Cover up those knees, you floozy!"
That is so true - and so depressing. I do like the "sinners gonna sin" :-)
DeleteI've never been part of the QF/CP movement, but I have been around evangelical christians, and it's just part of the drill that the more "serious" you are about holiness, the more judgmental that makes you. Maybe there are some exceptions, but I really think that's the way the culture is.
ReplyDeleteAt one point I went through a couple courses at a holistic/new age school and while I was there what stood out to me the most is that I've never felt people were more accepting and less judgmental anywhere in my life. I watched people listen openly to one another regardless of age, gender, race, religion.
If I were a "worldly heathen" looking for answers, I would have said the new-agers were a whole lot more what love looked like than what Stacy describes here.
One thing that is mentioned by people who are much more serious about being Catholic than I am - like saints - is that the more time they spent in spiritual matters the less judgmental most became. As they spent more time focusing on becoming close to God, they also become extremely aware of their own sinful choices - not just their nature; their actual sins.
DeleteI think the best "spiritual" advice is the closing of the Red Green Show - "We're all in this together. Keep your stick on the ice."
I like that idea -- we're all in this together.
DeleteI heard this expressed once by a speaker as "We all came over on different ships but we're all in the same boat now"
Another one I like is Kurt Vonnegut's "There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind".
I use this as a spiritual practice. I repeatedly try to remind myself to express love in all my actions. Boy, it's hard....
My two cents with judgement is that I try to not judge other people's life choices unless they are doing something so harmful to other people (or rarely themselves) that I feel required to say something - and even then, I want them to have a full, joyful life instead of a pinched, stressed one.
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