Maidens of Virtue: Chapter Six

 Blogs are a fascinating view into the mind of the author.  I feel like I learn a lot about an author's personality both by the stories they chose to include and the spin they place on the stories.  Technically, "Maidens of Virtue" by Stacy McDonald is a book - but we get revealing glimpses into how her mind works through her anecdotes.

Chapter Six is titled "Baby's Got Her Blue Jeans On".  The chapter serves two purposes.  First, Stacy McDonald makes it clear that public schools are hot-beds of social judgement and sexual harassment that would crush the gentle, delicate flowers of CP/QF maidenhood.  The second purpose is to make young women extremely self-conscious about how their clothing could be construed by random strange males.

I find both of the purposes repugnant and irresponsible for an adult woman to pile onto pre-teen and teenage girls - and I do not like the glimpses of Mrs. McDonald that appear in this chapter.

To most people, blue jeans are as "American" as apple pie. Whether they're straight leg or boot-cut, bell bottom or "skinny", many people - - especially young people - - place great value on a pair of well fitting jeans. When I was in my teens, a girl was considered a "nobody" if she didn't have at least one pair of tight fitting, designer jeans --preferably Gloria Vanderbilts (topped off with a gold stretch belt - -don't ask). (pg. 61)

Not to harp on historical accuracy, but blue jeans ARE an American tradition.  The US has a long history of agricultural, mining and factory work.  Denim is a strong, resilient, and relatively cheap material that makes clothing that is semi-protective against cuts and burns while being really color-fast.  At the same time, denim can be treated to fit smoothly and flatteringly for many body types - so what's not to love about jeans?

Social exclusion is not a given in teenage years.  I don't know what would have made someone a "nobody" when I was in high school because that's not the way I wanted to live.  I was friendly towards everyone and hung out with people who I shared interests with like my friends from theater and the clump of geek/nerd guys I hung with during classes. 

If you read carefully, though, Stacy McDonald hasn't changed much since high school.  She's spent the previous five chapters making lists of who we should totally exclude from the cool group - starting with masculine women, carelessly dressed women, anyone who is dressed immodestly and anyone who is messy.

Why is it that so many people, men and women, have such a strong, obsessive affection for their jeans? Why am I asking? Don't worry; I'm not going to tell you that wearing jeans is automatically sinful. Jeans don't sin --people do. Levi-Strauss didn't patent something "wicked" in 1873 and I'm pretty sure we would remember if jeans were listed in the Bible as an abomination. Still, there is something we can learn from our culture's fascination with blue jeans. (pg. 61)

That paragraph is crazy!  Like....wow.  I feel like I'm reading a stream-of-consciousness from someone who just came out of anesthetic.

She just finished telling us that she remembers the brand, make and correct accessories for "cool" jeans from 20-odd years ago - but she has no idea - no idea at all! - as to why people love jeans.   Heck, she doesn't even know why she asked the question!

Whew!  Don't worry - she's NOT going to make all jeans off-limits.  Just the ones she wore as a teenager and used as a criteria to judge others.  #sorrynotsorry

Timely reminder: inanimate objects alone are not sinful!  Now I don't have to worry about my kitty pillow sinning at night when I sleep.

The sentence that starts with the statement that jeans were patented in 1873 and wraps up by talking about how jeans aren't an Biblical abomination - which was set as canon by 500 and written centuries before that - makes my eyes water and twitch.

I recall, as a junior high teen, sitting in my seat, waiting to exit the school bus. Our bus driver required the students at the back of the bus to exit first. This meant that, since those of us in the front of the bus were still seated, we watched the back sides of all the students leaving the bus.

As I listen to the commentary of the male students around me, I remember thinking, "Boys are so gross." I don't remember exactly what they said, but I do remember that the girls who walked the aisle to the front of the bus, whether they knew it or not, were openly and crudely " evaluated" among the boys still seated. The evaluation, of course, was based on how well a girl's jeans showcased her backside as she walked by. Interestingly, girls in skirts were spared the assessment. (pg. 62)

Sexual harassment is always wrong.  It was wrong for the boys to verbally discuss the attributes of the girls who were leaving the bus.  It was wrong of the bus driver not to intervene - if he or she knew about the comments being made.

There are two bits about the story that I find odd.  People will see "back sides" of all the people who exit the bus before them regardless of if the back or the front of the bus exits first.    I also find it completely and totally improbable that girls who were wearing the form-fitting skirt styles of the 1980's were immune to commentary.  Stacy McDonald makes no excuses about her preference for women wearing skirts; she doesn't need to pretend that a skirt is a magic force-field that protects women from sexual harassment.

In high school, I wore jeans to school nearly every day. I recall one morning, a very long walk up a short flight of stairs. As I climb the stairway, I overheard the crude conversation of three boys who are following me. Feeling helpless and humiliated by their comments, I was very careful and conscious from that point of who was behind me when I used the stairs.

Looking back, I may have been able to solve my own problem by modifying my wardrobe. I couldn't have changed the sinful heart of those boys or their vulgar comments; but, if I had known better, I could have avoided giving them anything to look at. (pg. 62)

Oh, hell no!  Stacy McDonald and I agree on one thing - it's not her job to control the bad behavior of her classmates.  The difference is that I stand by that statement while Stacy retro-actively victim-blames herself for wearing jeans in the first place.

She had several other option available.  She could have let someone in authority know what was going on.  (Honestly, I don't know if I would have done that as a teenager - but it's an option.)

My response probably would have been an assertive defense. I inherited "THE LOOK" from my mother.  You know that scene from LOTR "Return of the King" when the Rohirrim start screaming "DEATH!" prior to marching on Mordor?  That's a watered down version of the "THE LOOK".   I have stopped out-of-control teenage students with "THE LOOK".  There is exactly one trick needed to control "THE LOOK" - you need to know deep down inside that you will do anything to protect yourself.   You will fight.  You will scream.  You will call them out.  You will call them out in front of their grandmother at church.  You will involve the authorities.  You will form a posse and hunt them down.  You will be the beginning of a blood feud - and never regret your choices for a minute.  You will take everything they value away from them if they hurt you.  That's "THE LOOK."

Tends to scare off cowardly predators like teenage boys; they are not very brave.

Ever wonder how many of the current CP/QF leaders were those cat-calling boys when they were in high school?

Jeans don't have to be immodest. There is a way to wear them without showcasing yourself. I've seen some ladies get creative by wearing over their jeans a long, loose tunic but generously covers their backsides. Another solution is to wear a loose, short dress over jeans (perfect for climbing up in a tree house or riding a bike on a gravel road!)

While I personally prefer a more feminine look, jeans can most certainly be worn without sacrificing modesty. We can indeed " help it" if people are able to clearly see the detailed shapes of our backsides... or our front sides ( which is sometimes worse!) (pg. 63-64)

Her answer is wear an additional layer of clothing over top of the jeans. That's....not a great solution.   I don't feel like she's spent much time climbing in trees, riding bikes or doing many outside activities in jeans with a dress over top of the jeans.  Jeans reduce the mobility in my hips slightly to start with and a knee-length or tea-length dress over top would reduce the mobility farther when my knees get trapped in the hem of the dress.    I can't imagine the amount of mess that result if I tried to clean out a chicken coop or do heavy gardening in jeans with a dress over top; I'd be finding bits of hay and dirt everywhere.

Another option is picking classic or relaxed fit jeans instead of skinny fit.   I own a wide selection of "mom" jeans that can be barfed on by an infant without soaking my legs; I'm willing to bet that the super loose style of these jeans are modest enough.

Oh! A new idea: sit in a public place and listening to the actual amount of commentary by men about how the women around them look.  I suspect that the average US public place like a mall food court has far less crass discussion of how a woman's backside looks than the average CP/QF church activity.

Let's wrap up with our psychologically damaging discussion questions for the week!

How would you react if you looked in your drawer one day and all your jeans were gone? Would you be heartbroken? If so, why? (pg. 64)

Yes - because all the pants I own since my son was born fits into two neat categories - jeans or pajamas.   Going to a store in the summer in pajama pants is quirky; going in mid-winter in the country is potentially life-threatening if the car breaks down.

Also, who the hell broke into my home and stole my jeans?  That's twisted.

Place a chair in front of a full-length mirror (you can do this in a store dressing room if need be). Put on your jeans and sit in front of the mirror, comfortably, the way you would normally sit. If a guy were sitting across from you, would you feel comfortable with anything he was seeing? If not, discuss with your mother ways you can remedy this. (pg. 64)

I am trying to think of a time that I have sat directly across from a guy in a chair without a table or something between us - and I'm drawing a blank.  I sit next to guys all the time.  I sit across from guys at tables or desks.  I guess I sat across from guys when we did circle time at conferences - but that's pretty rare.

Allow me to bring in a pet peeve of mine.  We obsess about teaching girls to sit modestly while guys sit with their junk hanging out all the time!  Have you done this exercise with your son when he's slouched on a bench after a recreational game or playing video games?  ATI has an entire set of diagrams on how girls are supposed to sit - but most girls know to keep their legs crossed or together while wearing a skirt.  Guys - let's just say that loose shorts plus boxers can leave you exposed to whoever is nearby........

In your current wardrobe, do you ever feel uncomfortable walking up a flight of stairs with a boy walking behind you? Why? (pg. 65)

Jeepers.  This is a great question for instilling paranoia in the next generation of women.  Plus, how often do home schooled girls walk up stairs in front of guys?  Now she's just going to be a nervous wreck in public...

Ugh.